Hours

It seems to me that the only thing left standing between Haiti & I.... are hours. Before it was what seemed to be a multitude of things... relationships, jobs, scheduled events, noise, worry, anxieties.

I find myself sitting on my living room floor, with only the company of an iced chai tea, a sleeping puppy & a computer screen. Everything else is gone. Everyone else has left. Hours hang now between myself and another world. This time tomorrow, I will be stepping on the plane to fly to Haiti. I can not even believe this time has come.

It seems like just a week ago I was in Salisbury Md, visiting Cristina for Easter. There is where I stumbled across the posted Summer Missions Trips. When for some odd reason I couldn't sleep... got out of bed and got online...at 3 am I received an email about these said trips...scrolled through the list of trips... and at 3:30 filled out my application for Haiti... that was in March... and now I am in the final hours of beginning what has been the longest journey of my life.

*"What if God were taking all of my life- the glorious & the gutless, the griefs & the gains-and piecings each bit together like a collage, so that when finished, something extraordinary would emerge?"

Haiti, I have realized, is far more than a simple Missions trip. Haiti serves as a coming full circle. There is no coincidence that the trip date is falling a year to the day that I first came to my home church. It is also no coincidence that everyone closest to me is out of my grasp today. Traveling, moving  & full time jobs have taken potential "cling" time away from me. Leaving me only to my faith.

Although its been an emo screamo roller coaster, I believe it now to be all for the best...

I never foresaw this being what it is. I would hear people tell stories of Missions trips, it all sounded quite appealing to go dive into another culture and spread God's love and what not... but for some reason I could never quite see myself getting there, despite the deep desire to do so. I think because for so long I let so many things stand in the way of that potential. I let those things that "tie" me to home, or what I believe to tie me home, to get in the way... To stop me and hold me back from breaking out sooner...

*"Even in the most desolate deserts, even in the most foreign of soils, something beautiful can and will grow"

What if we all let go of somethings that inhibit us from doing what we never expected? What if we took time to nurture the smallest desire in the deepest corner of our hearts to go as Christ has called us to? And by "go" I simply mean "do". Just because I am going to Haiti tomorrow doesn't mean you have to as well. It doesn't even mean you have to leave this country, or even your town... But I truly believe there may be some calling in your heart that God has placed there that you may have ignored, or put off for a later time, or let someone or something get in the way, maybe didn't even believe you were possibly capable of what was required... But the truth is... He has chosen us all for a purpose that sooner or later we'll have to face and embrace... Mine is to go to Haiti tomorrow...

What is yours?

*"It's strange how life often requires something foreign to connect us with something that, in the end, was so close all along...sometimes we need a change of scenery in order to see what is really there inside us-all the parts & pieces of ourselves that have somehow been lost but are in desperate need of findings again...."

Do not think for one second that this has been an overnight realization. This has been a 21 year process. A molding, a shaping..... a winding road that hasn't made a lot of sense most days. But I have more clarity today, the eve of my trip, than I have had in my entire life. I do not know what will be asked of me over the next week. I am not sure what is required. For the first time in my life I don't have a plan. The call was to go, and go I shall. And whatever happens, happens... for His glory, not mine.

I think what has been the most amazing part of the whole thing... is seeing the genuine hearts of those who believed in me, and who believed in the work to be done in Haiti... The entire expense to travel to Haiti, travel, boarding, medications, travel expenses, etc... was approximately $1700 dollars give or take some. & the truth is... I couldn't have gotten there without the unbelievable out pour of donations. Seriously. If you are called to another part of the world, God will not let finances keep you from getting there. HE PROVIDES THROUGH THE HANDS OF THOSE AROUND YOU. I have witnessed it with my own life. I am beyond blessed, and grateful for everyone who gave to this trip. I love you. & I thank you with all of my heart... I can not wait to share what God has done with each of you upon return.

"Wout la Mwen Vwayaje'" is Haitian for The Road Less Traveled. I find it funny now that that phrase has resonated with me so intensely this year. I started this blog back in November, when Haiti wasn't even a thought. The truth is... tomorrow is a road less traveled. & an even greater truth, is that the call of Christ is a road less traveled. Sooner or later, What I have learned is that I spent so long fighting it... fearful of sacrificing things closest to me and let my uncertainties and comforts get in the way. There is a very high likelihood that Haiti will change my life. & with hours only standing between me and this nation.... I can finally say in full confidence, I am ready.

*"That's the things about these journeys into foreign places. They have a way of making us different if we will let them. We can resist the beauty that is waiting for us, but if we will enter the frightening place-if we will engage ourselves in the context of this new culture-we will see that there was no shortcut to transformation..."

My heart is here with you all, praying for safety for everyone back home... Keep our team in your thoughts... Keep searching for yourself. Keep believing in faith... but of above anything, Kwe'nan li;  Believe in Him... <3

*Leanna Tankersley

{Here is a link to the Mission of Hope Website/Blog... you can see photos of the Mission and the kids that we will be working with: Mission of Hope }

All that You Are

I've been doing a lot of mid day walking recently. I've had a song on constant repeat, and it has been helping me prepare for the week ahead. I figured I would share...

& I feel,

all the faint morning light,

filled with hope 'cause You're here in my life,

& we've gone,

from the edge of our souls,

made it back to a place we call home.

You, pull me through,

When I'm alone in the dark and the fear was my truth.

I feel wrong,

I'm so human & flawed,

I break down even though I'm still strong,

& time, will make fools of us all,

builds us up, & then laughs when we fall.

You're the sound of redemption,

The faith that I've lost,

The answers I'm seeking no matter the cost,

You opened the window,

now I can see,

& You taught me forgiveness by giving Your love back to me.

Yeah, all the things that You are,

Beautifully broken, Alive in my heart,

& know that You are everything,

Let your hearts sing & tonight, we light up the stars,

all that You are.

Oh I feel,

All the faint morning light,

Filled with hope 'cause You're here in my life...

All that You Are. The Goo Goo Dolls.