Tuesday, December 11, 2012

& Ill tell all the world...

It's 730 in the Far East region of Africa. I'm sitting outside the guest home. Sounds of Muslim worship mixed with children's laughter are radiating the streets.

I can see my breath.

Thoughts of how I will be boarding a plane in just a few short hours to head back to the only normalcy I've ever know is a little hard to believe. I feel like I've time traveled to ancient world, some how existing in modern day. I've seen so much that doesn't seem fair.
& I find myself trying to grasp how to possibly do life again when I land in Washington DC, 2012. (It's 2005 here)

Will I so easily step back into my routines and roles. Will I be entangled with things that really hold no true purpose or value.

I tried to envision myself drinking a latte in Starbucks. And the woman who spent all she had to prepare a coffee ceremony for me, a guest in her humble home, that took almost an hour to be ready....

I'm left wondering what kind of person will emerge from this experience. I really have great choice when I arrive. To truly be changed. Or to not be.

I truly believe The Lord will hold me to a greater responsibility to steward the experiences I've had. I have seen. You have not. & you can't be blamed for your ignorance. Although I fully believe it doesn't warrant excuses for not pushing deeper....

What I have found is the deeper we get... The more real life becomes... The greater the tension. & most times, greater the heartache.

It's hard to see how ugly then world can be. To stare the result of sin in the face is absolutely terrifying. & it often leaves me in doubt...

But I truly believe if we can enter into that sacred tension, the hard places... To really look into the eyes of those before us, we will see the face of Jesus there.

He resides in suffering. His speciality is healing. If you are "fine" "ok" or "good" there's not much room for him to really move within your heart.

I'm not saying walk around with a heavy heart and a hanging head. I'm saying search your heart. And start understanding what true compassion looks like. I'm saying stop being so comfortable and start stretching your wings. I'm saying stop living on the table top of your simple manageable life... And start remembering that Jesus didn't die for you to live in total ideal American bliss.

I feel like The Lord has asked me to have some perspective. And that process Of realizing its not about me at all, is still a journey for my restless spirit.

But I know I want to be forever challenged. To stay stagnant and simple is probably my greatest fear...

Jesus set my heart free yesterday. In the middle of the African plains. I blinked my eyes a few times because I couldn't believe I where He had led me to.

I reminisced with a friend last night about the person I used to be. And the person I am on my way to becoming. The things that used I occupy my time... The things I thought were important or held weight....

Jesus changed EVERYTHING In my life.

And he can change yours too.

If you are willing to enter into your greatest fears... He is waiting there, hand outstretched to meet you where you are.
If you would only let Him...

As is said... Ill be on my way back to my reality very soon. A world blessed beyond words, yet plagued with blindness, ignorance & entitlement.

I don't wish to return to conversations about Christmas gifts. Shopping needs. Unnecessary wants.

Ill remember the children who are laying on their backs in beds just hoping someone will adopt them. Ill remember the weathered flesh eaten hands of the lepror who prepared me coffee in her home. Ill remember the hearts of the ministry workers, who have given their lives to be the hands and feet of Jesus, serving the desperate needs of their countrymen. Ill remember that worship knows no language, but only beloved authenticity. Ill remember those who were blessed they had a job.

But ill remember the wholly dependence on Jesus above all of it.

Ill never forget the faces. And I can't wait to show you all of them...

All I know is I want to be different today then yesterday. And even more changed tomorrow.

Ethiopia will forever have a piece of my heart.

& Jesus is King.



Thursday, December 6, 2012

100 constructs for 0 frameworks

It's currently November, Someday, in the year 2005. At 12:28 am.

I'm writing you from Addis, Ababa, Ethiopia, Africa.

I am currently 7 years in the past, but also hours 8 (from home) in the future. I am lost in translation. Laying on a small wooden sofa in the reception area of the guest
home. My only company are the dead cock roach I've killed & the sleeping receptionist on a small mat in the corner of the room.

My mind is racing. & my heart is heavy from all that I have seen today.

How can I possibly describe the indescribable. How can I make your ignorance comprehend. What can I do or say or shout or scream to make you take one moment away from your life to understand mine.... And more so to possibly care for the lives that mine has intersected.

I have seen the destruction of Disease. The wear and tear on mothers and their eventually orphaned children. I've seen weary eyes. Naked and famished. I've seen Hands and feet eaten away by leprosey. I have passed by a trash dump city, where many people receive their only food supply. I have seen hopeless eyes asking me to meet their very next need.

I have walked amongst the least of these...

My heart broke today. I felt it well up & literally burst in my chest. It came flooding out through an ocean of tears. As I felt helpless under the great weight of need. I can feel the groans of despair in gravel that is their very road.

How do I leave this place and return home to cooperate American Christmas? Coined by excess and extravagance. More more more.
Me me me.
How do I go back to my life and just live knowing this need is still running rampant.

As a photographer, I am struggling with trying to capture what I am seeing without potentially harming the people. How would I feel if I was laying naked in a street, starving....& someone walked up to me, photographed me. & walked away.

I feel that my purpose on earth is to make the least of these known. Known, in order to compel others to action. To make a difference and to be the change. But at the rate of preserving their only dignities, I have left many frames pass by, captured only in my memory...

This juxtaposition is tormenting me. & leaving me frustrated asking God what my true purpose is here.

Trust me. Within this great suffering is an even greater joy. It radiates from the smiling faces of those who have all of the world, yet in our eyes, would be seen as the lowliest. Yes they have no material wealth. Yes they are disease ridden. Yes they are weary and each heavy burdened....

But Jesus is their everything, because He is all they really have. It's easy for them to authentically love me when they first meet me, because of the overwhelming love they feel from Jesus. It's easy for them to talk to me because they are more focused on a relationship with me than my socio economic status or my career. It's easy for them to break into uninhibited worship because they have zero distractions in their way...

I envy the way they walk in freedom.

I am challenged by their endearing smiles that have greeted me each day. I am even more challenged by their faith. In that they shall truly inherit the earth...

To the one that has been given much, much will be required...

I am learning this tonight.


Love, me