chaos. absolute chaos.

Deep Sigh.

I'm not sure if I have ever, in my entire life, had a week like this past one... I really don't. Taking a minute to look back and reflect on the week, it's starting to blur together into one messy time lapse. I feel like I lost time... It all started last friday. I came down with a horrible chest cough and was super sick the entire weekend- week. It literally wiped me out. And my last day of class, wednesday, was the pinacle of the chaos. My day went from 6 am-12 am. Classes from 8-4, in which I had to prepare to lead a discussion, turn in my outline for my 20 page research paper, practice for my worship team audition and then, audition. I seriously have never been more beat in my life. I spent much of thursday and friday sleeping and trying to recover.

Not only did I feel like an absolute machine, but I felt like I had 5000 thoughts and not one of them was complete. I had tension in the back of my throat... and trying to take in anything else just made everything hard to swallow. I hadn't experienced anxiety in a while... and I must say this past week was filled with it.

& to top of a total week of chaos... or what I've percieved it to be. I sat back with the rest of the world and watched as the nation of Japan was oblierated by natural disaster. Suddenly.... my life didn't seem so hectic.
I paused. And tried to understand why there seems to be such unrest and adversary in these days...

It seems like things are moving faster than ever... and there is less and less joy. When I think back to 4 years ago, when I was getting ready to graduate highschool, things were simpler... not only in my life... but in lives of those around me. Maybe I am the only one noticing the great unrest... But I can't help but believe that we may be crossing into the end times...

The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.
But the day of the Lord will come like a thief. The heavens will disappear with a roar; the elements will be destroyed by fire, and the earth and everything in it will be laid bare. 2 Peter 3:9-10

I know that the next 7 weeks of my life are about to get more hectic. Preparing for the close my college education will be nothing easy. I must admit... I am scared. Afraid of how I will balance my uncertainty with the expections of those around me. This song has been on repeat in my car for a week now.
It's good to know I'm not the only one. <3

Everybody Hurts. Avril Lavigne

Don’t know, Don’t know If I can do this on my own
Why do you have to leave me?
Its seems I’m losing something Deep inside of me
Hold on, on to me

Now I see, Now I see

Everybody hurts someday
It’s okay to be afraid
Everybody hurts, everybody screams
Everybody feels this way, it’s ok
It’s ok

So many questions too much on my mind
So many answers I can’t find
Wish I can turn back the time
I wonder why....

Everybody hurts some days
It's ok to be afraid
Everbody hurts some days
But we all feel pain

Everybody feels this way
But it'll be ok

Can somebody take me away?
To a better place...
Everybody feels this way
It's ok