Tell You I'm sorry,
You don't know how lovely You are
I had to find You
Tell You I need You....
Tell You I set You apart....
For the majority of times, people take vacations for leisure. A break from their day to day. A chance to spend more quality time with those closest to them. A vacation, or a retreat provides a needed space in order best receive clarity and restoration. Vacation, however, doesn't necessarily have to involve traveling to a far distant land and staying in a really expensive hotel, eating tons of food, sight seeing, and tons of cash flowing. A vacation exists when we provide ourselves enough space from the norm to really hear from God in attempt to allow a more collected and restored individual to return. For me, that space was about 6 hours away, on an simple beach, at 5 in
the morning.
1. I hate reading.
2. I love planning.
On this trip, God allowed me to love reading & hate planning.
*"We need to stop plotting the course & instead just land the plane on our plans to make a difference by getting to the "do" part of faith- That's because love is never stationary. In the end, love doesn't just keep thinking about it or keep planning for it. Simply put: Love Does."
I had never heard of Bob Goff before I cracked open my copy of Love Does, but after 4 days of reading and being about 25 chapters in, (5 more to go!) I feel like I have gotten to know Bob fairly well. In just our very short interactions, (Bob doing most of the talking, me doing most of the crying, laughing & jaw dropping, knee slapping, hand raising... etc... ) I have been more challenged than I think I have through out this entire year.
Bob has painted a clear and overt picture for me to grasp... that God isn't waiting around taping His foot for me to figure out what He has supposedly asked of me... & He certainly isn't withholding Himself from me either... In fact... my perceived distance of God is rather laughable... as I've discovered on this trip that He is closer to me than ever.... That His relentless pursuit is actually real and tangible... and all He has ever asked of me is to believe that He is who He says He is.... everything else has just been added burdens that I've placed on myself....
"Maybe there are times when we think door has been closed & instead of misinterpreting the circumstances, God wants us to kick it down. Or perhaps just sit outside of it long enough until somebody tells us we can come in..."
I'm not going to lie to you. This year has definitely not been what I planned for it to be. I assumed by rapidly approaching 23 I would have discovered the cure for cancer or something of grander... Ok so not that big, but I did assume that like many young adults my age I would have discovered "what I wanted to do with my life" by now. If nothing else I have grown weary and jaded by the immense pressures of our society and how everything in this county is based on what is deemed "successful." Even the most Christlike people can have this manipulated perspective based on how our culture functions. Colleges, Education, Careers, etc seem to be what is defined as success. The American Dream is to work really really hard, come from nothing and make yourself something
important.
I know someone who torched their American dream and literally sacrificed everything to follow the call of God on her life. Her name is Katie Davis. She literally fell in love with the people of Uganda, said goodbye to dreams of college, her plans to marry her boyfriend, her church, her friends, her family, her comforts... to travel to one of the poorest countries in the world where she would become the mother of 15 orphans who lost their parents from AIDS. I know that God does not call each of us to a life like Katie's..... but man, do I envy a faith like Katie's.
Tell me Your secrets
And ask me Your questions
Oh let's go back to the start
Running in circles; coming up tails
Heads on a silence apart...
I've spent an entire year staying stationary because I was too afraid I'd miss something. Instead of doing something I did nothing because that seemed to be safer. I would simply wait, I thought til God made it apparent where He wanted me to go.... or do or.... But the truth is, He was there the entire time providing me the free choice of what I wanted to do. He isn't asking me to have all the answers, to have everything be lined up perfectly, He is simply asking me to be engaged & present. He is asking me to "Be" & to "Do."
Yes. at 22 years old, I've had an identity crisis.... but sadly, its been a crisis in everything that doesn't even matter.
I've demanded big things of God, but couldn't trust Him in the smallest ways. I wanted answers but couldn't shut my mouth from complaining long enough to hear a thing. I ran to everyone and anything that could give me some insight into the only One who had every thing waiting for me. Perhaps I am an idiot. Or maybe just a human. Even now I can feel His grace flooding over me as I am moved to tears while smiling....
Pulling your puzzles apart
Questions of science; science and progress
Do not speak as loud as my heart....
What I have discovered on this very short vacation is that I needed a vacation from myself. I had become so focused on what I was going to do, how things were going to be provided, what securities I would need, that I was blinded. I simply was missing the entire point. Even now as I've been seeking God for the past two years, I was still entangled in the bondage of trying to be the savior of my own universe. For the first time, in a long time, I've been silenced. & I think I will be quiet a while longer...
I'm going back to the start of my faith.
I'm going to plan nothing & believe in everything.
I'm going to read more & speak less.
I'm going to start trying to find out who God is & not who I'm supposed to be.
I'm going to start being & doing.
I'm going to back to the start & let God lead me to the end.
...NO BODY SAID IT WAS EASY...
"For those who resonate with formulas, here it is: add your whole life, your loves, your passions and your interests together with what God said He wants us to be about and that's your answer...."
What I've also discovered on this trip is that God is closer to me than ever... That He has placed signs and signals all over this world to catch my attention... I just haven't been looking...
at 5 am, I got up to photograph the sunrise... My photos can't really capture the beauty of those moments... But I figured I would share with you the beauty that was painted for me that sacred morning. The morning when I knew that everything was going to be alright... That I didn't have to make any plans because there already was a plan... All I needed to do was just to stop, take in what was around me, before me, breathe deep & believe....
...Hear the sounds of meager praise,
through the squalls & breaking waves...
I really want to tell Bob Goff thank you for the encouragement He provided me this week. Good thing He included his phone number in the back to call Him" if I wanted to process any of what He wrote about"... I plan on calling him. I need to make sure that I remember to do that when I write my book someday...
*Lyrics from The Scientist by Coldyplay
*Quotes from Love Does by Bob Goff
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