Tonights entry is ultimate ventage. I never imagined that another human being would be able to essentially quench my creative process and inspiration. But over the past few weeks. One has managed to do so....
It was only a few short months ago that I came up with the idea of "Messages." For those who have not seen, my "Messages," is about the personal messages of the subject(s) within the picture. Prior to photographing them, I asked them to think of a message that they could say to someone who had impacted their lives significantly, whether good, or bad. Ultimately, this has been a window to some very intense stories, all powerful in their own way.
I must say that I felt completely compelled by God to do Messages. I felt that God wanted me to highlight those around me and help those who were photographed make a statement, not only to the world, but to themselves.
The one who holds the key to my grade... aka they-who-must-not-be-named (laughable) however... thinks otherwise. I'm not sure if I was completely insulted..or... no I was completely insulted today. In all of my years as an art student, never have I ever been snickered at when presenting my work to someone for comment. Welp. Today was the day. When handing back my work, the response was simply, "I don't really have anything to say about it..."........well. good for you. Because I do.
Psalm 143: 3-4 "The enemy pursues me, he crushes me to the ground; So my spirit grows faint within me, my heart within me is dismayed"
I am not bitter because of criticism. As an artist, when you put your work out, obviously you allow yourself to be set up for failure, and critique. I respond to critique. I respond to criticism. I don't respond to only criticism. If I am doing something that needs significant improvement, In your opinion, then please by all means, point it out to me. However, along with that, would it be possible to provide some positive insight... would a "hey, this looks good, but work on this, in order to strengthen this..." be like... too much to ask for?
I suppose.
I must be honest here. It was a blow to my inspiration, one that had finally reached it's pinnacle after weeks of culmination. So, with 6 weeks left in the semester... and literally no enthusiasm or creativity... what is one, me... an art major...to do?
Nehemiah 4:4-6 "Hear us, O our God, for we are despised...for they have thrown insults in the face of the builders. So we rebuilt the wall till all of it reached half it's height, for the people worked with all their heart."
2nd Tim 1:7 "For God did not give you a spirit of timidity, or fear, but of power, love, and a sound mind."
Through out this process, I've discovered that while I am the closest with the Lord, as I have ever been... my life, it seems, has never been more oppressed by satan's constant attempts to set me backwards in my footing. he wants a broken spirit. he wants me to quit.
To him, and to all... I will not submit or be turned around from this, or any great hardship of my life. I know that God called me to do Messages. God wanted me to be the one to tell those stories, to share people's hearts... and ultimately through the works, draw people closer to Himself. And reader... I have witnessed it. I have had overwhelming feedback on these works, which has been above all, a humbling experience. In fact, recently I received a response to my work, sent to me by a friend that was photographed for the series:
"Much credit should go to your photographer friend for her skill and eye. You seem really open and raw in the pictures. {Name} told me you were nervous about them going on facebook, but I'm really proud of your vulnerability on these. They wouldn't be as hauntingly beautiful as they are without your willingness. Like seriously, they moved me. A couple of them felt like a swift punch they were so moving (like the air just got sucked out of my lungs and I kinda wanted to cry . I'm really thankful you for your contribution to this young lady's photographs. Your collaboration has made for some amazing artwork. I can say that; I work at an art studio now."
I will press on through this adversary. I will obey the Lord, and serve His purpose for me... despite what any person may have to say. Niave? Perhaps. Ignorant? Possibly. Or maybe just maybe... no other opinion or blessing or word of congratulation or award or degree or honor... is greater than that of My Lord Jesus. After all, He has instilled within me my gifts. For He is the greatest visionary and creator of all. I think I'll just make sure that I have His critique.... yeah.
"No longer will the critics or academies decide what is art. The artist himself will decide if the work is art"
- my man Duchamp.
Lindsey, I know I wasn't there but could it be that maybe he was speechless? Did he grade the work?
ReplyDeletePersonally I know that you know you have great work. So his opinion shouldn't matter. He may even be purposefully trying to provoke an emotional response in you to see how you handle criticism. Maybe not, I don't know.
You may want to ask him after you calm down a bit. Cause I have seen many cases like that in which there was simply a misunderstanding. But then again, he could just be a jerk or having a bad day and didn't feel like saying much.
Don't let this bother you to much cause you don't have to prove urself to anyone. Its a matter of what your clients think of your work that determines your success. And personally I think your my favorite photographer out of my friends who shoot.
So keep it up! Teachers are there to challenge you to do better, even if you are already great.
PS, do you have a website to post your work? If not I may be able to help make you one
Jon cody