6 weeks. 42 days.
That's been my extent of my surrender journey thus far.
It's funny how that feels so much longer than it's been... And at the same time, hours can creep by, leaving me craving for something far beyond the painstaking passing of moments...
Once again, The Lord's timing is perfect... I'm getting ready to step away of what has been familiar... what has been secure... or has appeared to be. Away from some of the deepest hurts I've felt in almost 23 years....
I've finally caught a glimpse... maybe even a glimmer, of the light that is my very life.
My purpose... and all that God is truly asking of me..
Being the control freakazoid that I am... you can imagine a question posed such as this would shutter my categories ever so slightly.
" Why not put your whole life in God's hands? Why not trust Him fully? I challenge you to give Him full clearance to lead your life - every area of your life- until the point that He proves Himself to be untrustworthy... At that moment. You can bail..."
I finally decided that I was all in... and in realizing this, I was confronted with the honest truth, that God had really already decided for me...
I personally feel that in some cases, God will allow us to have our way, despite His promptings for something more for us... He'll allow complacent Christians to stay complacent, comfortable...
But I think for those who are pressing in... who are asking for more... who want to be fully utilized... who have an eternal motivation... and there's just one, one thing in the way of God having your full attention, heart, energy...
He will jealously fight for you...
& clear the way...
remove the distraction...
alter the road mapping...
in order for your wings to spread to their full capacity...
He's cut me loose.... & I am more than ready to soar... with His wind under my wings...
I am making no promises it will be easy. In fact, it will require more sacrficice than anything else I have asked you to do.....but I am asking you, now...."
con·trol [kuhn-trohl] verb, noun
verb (used with object)
1. to exercise restraint or direction over; dominate; command.
2. to hold in check; curb: to control one's emotions.
3. to eliminate or prevent the flourishing or spread of
sur·ren·der verb \sə-ˈren-dər
transitive verb
1 : to yield to the power, control, or possession of another upon compulsion or demand
2: to give up completely or agree to forgo especially in favor of another
Control vs. Surrender...They will forever be at opposition... And this is the absolute reason as to why the past 6 weeks, 42 days have been filled with absolutely unadulterated joy soon after compainied by tremendous resounding heart ache that seems to have no resolution...and so on again...
".... At that moment... you can bail.
- but until then, give God total control... I challenge you to push the throttle as far as you can push it. & live your life wide open to God. See where His way takes you... I have a feeling you'll never regret it."
I'm leaving in just a few short hours for a little bit of an adventure. The west coast has this alluring appeal I think to anyone really. And San Diego & Sonoma seem like the perfect places to heal a little, don't you agree?
I haven't bought a flight home. That seems rather earth shattering to some of the dearest people in my life, but leaving this trip slightly open ended is allowing some of that surrender-mindset to be carried through out this trip. I'm going away to see what God wants me to see there. To hear what He has to say to me there. When He says come home, I think that will be a good time to buy a flight home...
Until then... I'm all eyes. I'm all ears. Fully trusting. Reckless Abandonment. & ready for my God to simply blow my mind with His goodness.
I am blessed.
I am beloved.
& I love you.
* All excerpts from Bill Hybels The Power of A Whisper
Your recent blog posts, this one included, give me such courage, Lindsey. I wait in eager anticipation to see what God next reveals to you - He certainly catches my attention as I read your raw, open, surrendering words. So much love for you.
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