it's not the Lindsey show

We call out Your Name in the darkness
And watch as Your glory unfolds
For there is no measure, or end
To the power You hold...

Hi friend, it's been awhile, eh?

As usual, I am:

active

assiduous

occupied

laboring

hustling

bustling

and plain and simple, busy. 

(I often times wonder just how in universe I will be able to juggle my life once I'm married with children.... there just AREN'T enough hours!!!!)

With that being said, I have had very little time to think, let alone breath, and most definitely, to write. But today was a day that was a little different. And it sort of was the summation of a three month thought process.

By now you are quite familiar with my pride issue. my control issue. my timing issue. & my fear -of-the-unknown issue. I have written countless entries, based upon these reoccurring themes in my life. But it was today, the 24th of July... of 2012... it all kind of meshed together.

All of this time, I have been very discontent in the place God has sent me. Although I am blessed with a loving family, amazing friends, a life giving church community, and a million more blessings, I still have felt unbelievably restless within the confines of where God has allowed these things to unfold. I've been waiting for "bigger" & "better." I've been anticipating something new, something wild, anything...

Francis Chan, (brilliant) author of the book, Crazy Love, that I am currently working through (every chapter literally blows my mind out of my skull, so it's taking me a little while) words it far better than I could ever...

*He writes how our lives are like being extras in a movie... say we were to invite tons of friends, even host a grand showing for a movie that we are playing an extra in... We may get about 2/5s? of a second on screen? maybe? "Look, see there I am!!! That's the back of my head in that large crowd!!"  

"Wait, Where?"

& that's it. Our scene ends. Our life ends. And it's over. 

He continues on to say that the entire film, starring & directed by, is about Jesus. Every one's coming out to watch Him. To find Him. To learn about Him. 

How foolish would it be for us to invite friends to actually watch the back of our heads for 2 moments!! And that is an abstract visual of what our time looks like on earth... 

"Men are never duly touched and impressed with a conviction of their insignificance, until they have contrasted themselves with the majesty of God." R.C. Sproul 

...It finally hit me this morning when I received a text message from a co worker who I had been investing some of my heart into. Going through a rather rough time, they wrote:

"You have left a lasting impression on my heart. Because of knowing you, I have decided to pursue abstinence and sobriety." 

....All of this time... the last place in the UNIVERSE I wanted to be was where I currently work. I had been feeling this was NOT the place the Lord had wanted me to go... this wasn't anointed. This was certainly not what I went to school for and I was CERTAINLY NOT having any FUN. (ew, I'm over myself) 

& then, just this morning, waking up to that message, It all made sense. It clicked. 

I was simply meant to get the job where I currently work... to meet this person.... to show them God's love...so that they might have hope in Him...So that they might truly, live.

It's not the Lindsey show..... 

& it's certainly not your show either....

*"In about 50 years, (give or take a couple decades) no one will remember you. Everyone you know will be dead. Certainly no one will care what job you had, what car you drove, what school you attended, what clothes you wore." - the only thing that will matter is what we did with our 2/5s of a second.... the only one who will know, is God.

These moments that we have are really are just moments. Tomorrow isn't promised... even though that simple truth leaves us as quickly as it comes. We don't live in such a way because, we actually don't believe it. We believe in tomorrow. We put our faith in tomorrows...& not in right nows. 

The past few months have been extremely humbling. God has bent me, twisted me, molded me, etc in ways that I never though possible. But all the while, God had me right, exactly, perfectly, where I needed to be. I'm part of HIS story... And guess what, so are you! 

& just because we may have a small part to play in the whole thing doesn't mean it's insignificant! There are people all around you that need aid. That need a smile. That need laughter. They need hope, a hope that Jesus can give them, through you! God uses the sinful of the world, the weak, the poor, the humble, the fatherless... to demonstrate His greatest strengths. He cares about us all. We all matter immensely to Him. We just can't become so consumed in our own small, (incredibly microscopic split second blip) of a story, that we miss opportunities. That we lose sight of His starring role. 

He is the Hero.

He is the King.

He is the Knight in Shining Armor.

The Beloved Rescuer.

It's all about Him. 

I am grateful, once again, that I am not the maker of my own destiny. For if I were, I fear for just how simple the pages of my life would truly appear... 

*"Stories of people who died after living Godly lives are stories with happy endings."

All of the Praise, unto Your Name,

be lifted, higher...

All of the Praise, unto Your Name, forever.... 

*Excerpt from Crazy Love, written by Francis Chan

Always

These are the scars deep in your heart
This is the place you were born
This is the hole where most of your soul comes ripping out
From the places you've been torn...

Today I felt as though I could feel the weightiness of those around me. There is something undeniable, tucked within the haziness of these summer days. I feel as though instead of hope rising, the only thing that is, is the heat. I feel tension and brokenness. I feel fatigue and uncertainty. I feel as though some of the strongest spirits are being quenched in this stifling season & the flux in the weather demonstrates the weathering within our own hearts. At least that's what I've perceived around me.

Don't get me wrong. There is undeniable joy. There is laughter. There are late night conversations of all that God is and what we are not. There are books filled with words of life and inspiration. There are plans. Exciting trips. There is adventure. There is hope.

Tonight, However, I wanted to speak to the hearts of those who are hurting. To those who see the future as a large undertaking. Who feel a little aimless. Who aren't impressed with themselves. Or are maybe too impressed with themselves. To those who are tired. To those who are putting the pieces of their lives back together...

You, sweet friend and cherished. Adored. Created for a purpose. There is so much more to you than your circumstances. Things are going to change. Life will keep moving. You just have to decide to move with it.

Can God be enough for us tonight? Can we simply stop and realize that He is greater than our greatest adversity? To not let the words of that humble truth just simply wash over us, but to drink them in, and be ignited in our bones. Can we stop peering into the lives of those around us, believing misconstrued perceptions and instead, start catching glimpses of Heaven, perhaps even scratching the surface of our Great Creator. He has surrounded us with reminders of Himself. He is endlessly reaching out to us. Relentlessly pursuing our affections. He can heal Your heart. He can set you free. He can make you new. He can redirect your steps.

I sat in wonder the other night of just how big God really is... & stood utterly baffled by just how small I really am.

I just want to be in thanksgiving tonight.
I want to revel in the incredible mystery of the Lord.
And rest in the truth that He sought us out tonight, each, individually.

Hallelujah, I'm caving in

                     Hallelujah, I'm in love again
                  Hallelujah, I'm a wretched man
            Hallelujah, every breath is a second chance


I am grateful for my beating heart.
I am ready for all that He has before me.
Let everything else fall away from you tonight.

Place your hand over your chest. Breathe deep. & live. 

And I am always yours

I'm going back to the start

*Come up to meet You 
Tell You I'm sorry,
You don't know how lovely You are
I had to find You
Tell You I need You....
Tell You I set You apart....


For the majority of times, people take vacations for leisure. A break from their day to day. A chance to spend more quality time with those closest to them. A vacation, or a retreat provides a needed space in order best receive clarity and restoration. Vacation, however,  doesn't necessarily have to involve traveling to a far distant land and staying in a really expensive hotel, eating tons of food, sight seeing, and tons of cash flowing. A vacation exists when we provide ourselves enough space from the norm to really hear from God in attempt to allow a more collected and restored individual to return. For me, that space was about 6 hours away, on an simple beach, at 5 in 
the morning. 

Two essential components to my personality:
1. I hate reading.
2. I love planning.


On this trip, God allowed me to love reading & hate planning.


*"We need to stop plotting the course & instead just land the plane on our plans to make a difference by getting to the "do" part of faith- That's because love is never stationary. In the end, love doesn't just keep thinking about it or keep planning for it. Simply put: Love Does."


I had never heard of Bob Goff before I cracked open my copy of Love Does, but after 4 days of reading and being about 25 chapters in, (5 more to go!) I feel like I have gotten to know Bob fairly well. In just our very short interactions, (Bob doing most of the talking, me doing most of the crying, laughing & jaw dropping, knee slapping, hand raising... etc... ) I have been more challenged than I think I have through out this entire year. 


Bob has painted a clear and overt picture for me to grasp... that God isn't waiting around taping His foot for me to figure out what He has supposedly asked of me... & He certainly isn't withholding Himself from me either... In fact... my perceived distance of God is rather laughable... as I've discovered on this trip that He is closer to me than ever.... That His relentless pursuit is actually real and tangible... and all He has ever asked of me is to believe that He is who He says He is.... everything else has just been added burdens that I've placed on myself....


"Maybe there are times when we think door has been closed & instead of misinterpreting the circumstances, God wants us to kick it down. Or perhaps just sit outside of it long enough until somebody tells us we can come in..."


I'm not going to lie to you. This year has definitely not been what I planned for it to be. I assumed by rapidly approaching 23 I would have discovered the cure for cancer or something of grander... Ok so not that big, but I did assume that like many young adults my age I would have discovered "what I wanted to do with my life" by now. If nothing else I have grown weary and jaded by the immense pressures of our society and how everything in this county is based on what is deemed "successful." Even the most Christlike people can have this manipulated perspective based on how our culture functions. Colleges, Education, Careers, etc seem to  be what is defined as success. The American Dream is to work really really hard, come from nothing and make yourself something 
important.


I know someone who torched their American dream and literally sacrificed everything to follow the call of God on her life. Her name is Katie Davis. She literally fell in love with the people of Uganda, said goodbye to dreams of college, her plans to marry her boyfriend, her church, her friends, her family, her comforts... to travel to one of the poorest countries in the world where she would become the mother of 15 orphans who lost their parents from AIDS. I know that God does not call each of us to a life like Katie's..... but man, do I envy a faith like Katie's.



Tell me Your secrets
And ask me Your questions
Oh let's go back to the start
Running in circles; coming up tails
Heads on a silence apart...

I've spent an entire year staying stationary because I was too afraid I'd miss something. Instead of doing something I did nothing because that seemed to be safer. I would simply wait, I thought til God made it apparent where He wanted me to go.... or do or.... But the truth is, He was there the entire time providing me the free choice of what I wanted to do. He isn't asking me to have all the answers, to have everything be lined up perfectly, He is simply asking me to be engaged & present. He is asking me to "Be" & to "Do." 

"He is asking us, "Will you take what you think defines you, leave it behind & let Me define who you are instead?" He asks if we'll give up that thing we're so proud of, that thing we believe causes us to matter in the eyes of the world, & give it up to follow Him. He wants us to bring all of the faith we have to Him, even if it's just a dime's worth.... He Himself is what we have the chance to trade for...& What we'll have in exchange for knowing Him is everything we've accumulated during our lives and are standing on the porch holding on to...."


Yes. at 22 years old, I've had an identity crisis.... but sadly, its been a crisis in everything that doesn't even matter. 
I've demanded big things of God, but couldn't trust Him in the smallest ways. I wanted answers but couldn't shut my mouth from complaining long enough to hear a thing. I ran to everyone and anything that could give me some insight into the only One who had every thing waiting for me. Perhaps I am an idiot. Or maybe just a human. Even now I can feel His grace flooding over me as I am moved to tears while smiling....

I was just guessing at numbers and figures
Pulling your puzzles apart
Questions of science; science and progress
Do not speak as loud as my heart....


What I have discovered on this very short vacation is that I needed a vacation from myself. I had become so focused on what I was going to do, how things were going to be provided, what securities I would need, that I was blinded. I simply was missing the entire point. Even now as I've been seeking God for the past two years, I was still entangled in the bondage of trying to be the savior of my own universe. For the first time, in a long time, I've been silenced. & I think I will be quiet a while longer... 

"Jesus is asking me and the rest of the world to stop faking it. He wants us to fight the temptation to merely have the right wrapper and instead be exactly who He made us to be & who we are, right where we are..."


I'm going back to the start of my faith.
I'm going to plan nothing & believe in everything.
I'm going to read more & speak less.
I'm going to start trying to find out who God is & not who I'm supposed to be.
I'm going to start being & doing.
I'm going to back to the start & let God lead me to the end. 

...NO BODY SAID IT WAS EASY...

"For those who resonate with formulas, here it is: add your whole life, your loves, your passions and your interests together with what God said He wants us to be about and that's your answer...." 

What I've also discovered on this trip is that God is closer to me than ever... That He has placed signs and signals all over this world to catch my attention... I just haven't been looking... 

at 5 am, I got up to photograph the sunrise... My photos can't really capture the beauty of those moments... But I figured I would share with you the beauty that was painted for me that sacred morning. The morning when I knew that everything was going to be alright... That I didn't have to make any plans because there already was a plan... All I needed to do was just to stop, take in what was around me, before me, breathe deep & believe.... 

...Hear the sounds of meager praise, 

through the squalls & breaking waves... 

I really want to tell Bob Goff thank you for the encouragement He provided me this week. Good thing He included his phone number in the back to call Him" if I wanted to process any of what He wrote about"... I plan on calling him. I need to make sure that I remember to do that when I write my book someday... 

"His name for us is Beloved. He hopes that we'll believe Him. He hopes we'll start to see ourselves as His Beloved, rather than think of all the reasons we aren't...."

*Lyrics from The Scientist by Coldyplay

*Quotes from Love Does by Bob Goff

a personal peek into my gratitude

I am grateful for what I have

My thanksgiving is perpetual...
O how I laugh when I think of my vague indefinite riches.
No run on my bank can drain it
for my wealth is not possession, but enjoyment. Henry David Thoreau.

For most of my blogging journey, I blog about my insecurities or strife, struggles & uncertainties. Yet, ever so often I find it most necessary to write down my present joys and gratitude. June has been off to an amazing start, and I have felt overwhelmed with encouragement, despite resurgent worries or discouragements. I decided to make this one very personal. :)  


1. Rehobeth.

my mother and I recently ventured off to the unexplored land of Rehobeth, DE. I found it hard to believe that despite the many trips I've taken to Ocean City, just 20 miles south of Rehobeth, I had never been to what was one of the coolest and quaintest communities. I was blessed by a California king sized bed, fantastic food, morning prayer time on the beach, and some much needed quality time with my mama. I believe I cherished our laughter most. Any time spent with my mom is sacred time... she is my greatest advocate. Rehobeth was our escape. The trip was much needed medicine for both of our hearts. I didn't want to come home.

2. The amazing, anointed, and heartfelt community that is my 

church family.

So many times I stop and look at the people who have flooded my life for the past two years, and I am left in awe. I've lived, what, almost 23 years in this community? (UGH, YIKES, DEATH, MANHATTAN.... half kidding....) where WERE these people all of my life? Did I simply walk past them and not notice them? Would I have missed knowing any of them had I not stepped into my church almost 2 years ago? I don't even want to think of it! The Lord has taken many friends out of my life, some for good reason, some that I will never quite know the reason... but if He has not surrounded with some of the truest friendships... I have been beyond blessed by the people the Lord has placed to walk alongside of me in this season of life; younger, older, male, female. All broken people, all loved by God. All people who want nothing else but to know Jesus more. 

Now for those of you who know me well, I was never the bible study girl. I didn't do "women's" anything. Girls weekends... women's retreats or gatherings... or the worst.... Ladies tea?!?!... no thank you. - However- I decided to give this bible study a chance... I figured how bad could it really be?...
& once again, God blew my feeble mind with goodness. I have been so blessed by my bible study ladies. I have been showered by laughter, prayer, encouragement & above all else, challenge. We have just begun a new study on the life of David that will carry us into late August. I am so excited to be on this journey with them...

(( + a few more ladies who are not in the pictures... I have no forgotten you...!<3))

 To my sweet friends & church family... thank you for loving me for me. For every single quirk and imperfection. You have demonstrated Jesus to me & have left a lasting impression on my heart.

3. Patience. 

     Wait verb \ˈwāt\ : to stay in place in expectation

Something that I have been challenged with lately by my dear friend Chelsea is expectation in waiting on the Lord to make movement. To not simply be walking through life allowing time to pass or living for myself or trying to make my dreams happen. But to be waiting patiently, trusting in full confidence that the Lord will reveal himself to me. To be earnestly seeking & presently reminded of His relentless pursuit of my heart. Some days, that just has to be enough. The calling of my life may not be unveiled to me when I wish it to be... but it does not mean that the Lord does not already have it for me. It may seem commonplace to you... but this is daily struggle of mine... to be expectant and trusting that the Lord has something for me... and it will be revealed in His perfect time... in the mean while I will be waiting, soaking up the opportunities that lay before the passing months, days, even moments... I am beyond grateful for His perfect timing... & that it's really not up to me after all... #patientlywaiting

Wait for the LORD; Be strong, and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the LORD. Psalm 37:9 

4. All that awaits me.

The following weeks & months ahead, I believe, will be filled with some of the greatest joys I can foresee. I finally have been blessed with a new car, which I am picking up tomorrow! This will allow me to finally make the step in moving out of my home... although this is a bittersweet process, I am looking forward to the scary, yet empowering step into adulthood as I gain a new journey & two amazing ladies as sisters & roommates :) (if you will). I will be spending the end of June on the Outer banks of North Carolina with my beloved David & his dear family.

July is filled with photo shoots & weddings... leading right up to one of my best friend's wedding, who's getting married in early August. & as I head into the fall, thus begins planning and praying for my journey to Ethiopia. For all that lies ahead of me... in 2012... & for all of my days... I am blessed.

...Just having you follow along my life with me, is a joy in itself.... 

I am grateful. I am thankful. Praise be to Jesus.

As each day comes to us refreshed and anew, so does my gratitude renew itself daily.  The breaking of the sun over the horizon is my grateful heart dawning upon a blessed world.  ~Terri Guillemets

what is a friend?

Today I was blessed. Blessed beyond words. Moved to tears, I was reminded that when God takes away... He provides... & often times... provides something that far surpasses what was removed....

"Thanks for letting me process things with you. I have loved learning alongside of you. I know we have greater things yet to come, in our friendship and in our personal lives. You have been given way too much for it to not be used. I have no doubt God is molding something for you to be placed in your life at just the right time. You came to me at the exact time I needed it, and I didn’t even know it or realize it till much later. In the same way, I know God is taking you where He wants you. Whether it is what we have planned, that I cannot say. But I do know this: it will good, and it will add to the fullness of your life. He promises. And I just can’t wait to look back again in a year or two and realize what God did right now that we didn’t see or understand while it was happening.

Lindsey Plevyak I am so proud of who you are and who you are becoming. It’s beautiful and I’m so glad to be a part of it. So here’s to you. To us not getting the things we think we want, and getting the things we didn’t know we  needed at just the right time and to God working out all the details in a way only He can."

Always & forever...

all my love, sacred friend. 

"Faithful friends are a sturdy shelter:

                                               whoever finds one has found a treasure.

Faithful friends are beyond price;

no amount can balance their worth.

Faithful friends are life-saving medicine;

and those who fear the Lord will find them.”-Sirach 6:14-16

If there was one piece of advice to give to a parent..

First off, I'm not a parent. The older I get, the more respect I gain for parents. For all that they sacrifice, for endless hours, of physical & emotional output. For the time they invest in cultivating character & for my Christian friends who are parents, making the pursuit of Christ a priority even in developing minds of children.

Because I am no parent, I really don't see a point in telling a parent how to raise a child, what is beneficial for them etc. However, I have seen the same example of a behavior, repeatedly that has left me completely heart broken. It has made me want to grab the parental by the face and go...
wake. up. please.

So I figured that I would blog about it, since that's where I tend to unleash most of my unspoken cognitions anyway.

Multiple times now, I have first hand witnessed parents out with their younger aged children... texting the entire time that their kids are begging for their attention.

It makes me sick.

2 scenarios to date within the same week:

1. Little boy walking out of a gaming store. Dad puts him in the car. Little boy is gabbing away about how excited he is to play with his dad. Says things like, "Come on daddy, are you ready to go? I am so excited to play with you etc." Dad, on the outside of the vehicle, cigarette in one hand, phone in the other.. " (Name-) Just be quiet a minute! I need to send this message. It is incredibly important." 5 mins later. Still on the phone. Doesn't lift his face out from his phone, except to take another inhalation of his cigarette.

2. Dad takes little girls out to dinner. Girls are coloring and asking him questions. Dad doesn't lift up his head from the phone even once during the entire meal with his two small, sweet daughters.

Part of me literally wanted to rip the phone out of their hands and say "PAY ATTENTION TO THEM- THEY NEED YOU. YOU ARE THEIR WORLD! One day because you don't give them the attention they need now, the declaration of their worth NOW, they will go looking for it elsewhere. Your stupid phone can wait!"

I know we are now living in a culture flooded by cell phones, texting, emails, & social media. But I can't help but think that we are losing touch just a little when we start neglecting those who are sitting right before us. The one's that God is asking us to be pouring into, presently.

I am not a parent. But I am so tired of seeing parents blinded to this. In a few years, when your child wanders off and is searching for the attention they needed from you beforehand, maybe they will have an "app" for you to figure out how to reach them. You are missing the opportunity and the responsibility they have been given to nurture and cherish the time that their children are seeking THEM out for attention.

One day, that will end. And you won't be as important to them as you once were.

I am not a parent.
I am not a parent.

Architecture

*I'm an architect, of days that haven't happened yet...

ar·chi·tect

1.   One who designs and supervises the construction of buildings or other large structures.

2.   One who designs and guides a plan or undertaking

Has anyone else felt like this has been "run around like a headless chicken" week?


I don't know about you, but between photo shoots, scheduling upcoming shoots, editing past shoots, working. working. working, serving at church, planning to serve more at church, bible study, getting ready to move, seeing the boyfriend who is always a.) working b.) touring or c.) serving at church, keeping up with friends and family members, taking care of a crazy pit bull baby, maid of honor duties for one of my best friend's wedding, which is rapidly approaching, and a potential trip to Africa *praying praying praying* in July... I'm just a wee bit tired.


I have virtually planned every single day of my life from now until after mid August. With little to no room for deviation.


And of course the big girl questions are still buzzing about... like grad school or seminary ... or photo journalist....or national geographic .... or.... ____________ you fill in the blank! 


I have found myself exhausted by rigidity. But I often find that I lack framework for any other method to living. From the moment we are little its always about getting to whats next. The next birthday, the next grade...the next activity... then it progresses to the next 4 years of high school, then to the next 4 years of college... then to "the next step" in relationships and careers... 


I'm going to be 23 years old in October. When did that happen? Now in no way am I saying I am '"old" by any stretch, but I cannot deny that with each passing birthday, I feel time moving just a little faster... and I am slightly afraid of it. Afraid of scheduling myself to the point of passing days without intent and purpose.... So focused on getting to the "next" _________ that by the time I arrive I will feel as though everything was rushed in the process. 

"Now listen, you who say, "today or tomorrow, we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money..." Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead you ought to say, "If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this... or that..." - James (the man) 4:13-15


This (no coincidence) was the verse in my devotional for today. I wrestled with what Ms. Joyce Meyer had to say about living ahead in the future instead of the present. She modeled her discussion off of this verse and wrote that we can plan whatever we want, but if it's not in the Lord's will for our lives, it won't happen. And even if plans "follow through" it may result in a harder road, because we chose our way, instead of the Highway (ya see what I did there ;)


How can I not be planning for my future? So much of who I am is a planner. Having an agenda is how I function! And of course, my mind wanders a little bit ahead of me sometimes... it seems appropriate to try to have a timeline, or time frame... orderliness... And then I realized. I've fallen victim to "the next" epidemic. 


Maybe we all have. And maybe it's a result of our condition. But I have to keep remembering that the God I serve is beyond time. Above a schedule and above my simple simple plans. He isn't watching the clock. And He certainly isn't following my itinerary. He is a God of freedom. Of interruption. Of "out of the blue"...


& I can be honest that, those things scare me a little. I was humbled today by how small I really am. How I'm really not that important. And how I spend the "mist" of time that I am here is actually quite crucial when looking at the bigger picture...


it's also no coincidence I heard this song today...



*"People today are trying to define themselves by what they can get out of life:
What they wear, how they look, how much stuff they have, what kind of car they drive.
I've been to a lot of funerals and have never yet eulogised for a person for any of that kind of stuff.


It's always about the relationships.


Were they kind? Were they generous? Did they help others?
It's always what they talked about because that's all that really counts in the end.


The people you touched are your real legacy. 
You're not defined by what you take from this world.
The fact is you won't take anything with you.
You're defined by what you leave behind, what you give to this world and by how you impact other people."

Sometimes, it's quite frightening how easily we lose sight of why we are here. I suppose that's why the Lord constantly is reminding us to remain humble.. and to constantly seek Him. The moment we forget Him, we instantly will fall back on serving ourselves. And as the Lord has proven time and time again, we will always fail ourselves, despite our greatest attempts...


One of my favorite verses is John 15:15... it simply states "apart from me, You can do nothing." Nothing.
Nothing?
Nothing.
I have never interpreted that as a calloused and pious statement... but rather, a desperate urge to accept a deafening truth... I can feel Jesus begging us to understand, how much we need Him, trying to get us to see the great dependence we should have on Him. 


I've discovered so much of my disease is the desire for control. But I don't think I'm the only one who is seeking it. We may have different techniques or methodologies on how we carry out the desire... but the desire exists regardless. I didn't create myself. So how do I know how I work? Why would I ever assume I know what's best or that I have all the answers? Was I there when life began? When the universe was constructed together? When life was breathed into man from the dust of the earth? no. No, I am no Architect. But I do know a pretty good One... 
I think I should just leave the construction of my days up to the One who called my days into being, don't you agree? 

"It's been said that there's only two ways to live: You can either love things and use people, or you can love people and use things.

I've made my choice. I'm going to love people.

People, they last forever. Everything else just burns. Everything else just burns."

*John Mayer. Face to Call Home 

*Shirock. Everything Burns