"It's a process."
"I'm trying to process."
"We're currently processing."
"I just have to process."
Process.
All I have been doing the past 2 weeks has been... processing, searching, thinking, working through- my thoughts, my relationships, my faith, my heart... & I have discovered these things:
1. my faith up until this point, has been invested and nurtured through people... not by Jesus
2. my securities, where I draw strength from... has been in people... not by Jesus
3. I feel very stuck in my life, given my location, living, & financial situation
4. there are many things I will not let go of.
5. I am going to Haiti in 18 days.
I have learned very harshly. that it is time to let go.
Who is Lindsey without her family?
Who is Lindsey without her home?
Who is Lindsey without her best friends?
Who is Lindsey without her boyfriend?
Who is Lindsey without her church?
Who is Lindsey without her comforts?
Who is Lindsey, without her country?
I can not answer this today, because I simply do not know. But I believe now, more than ever, the answer to this question is waiting for me in Haiti. I believe the answer is waiting for upon my return. & the decisions I make following that return.
I have lived for 21 years. pretty much 17 of them I was underneath the rules and restrictions of parents & obligations to education. for 4 of them I was given more freedom to choose how to serve my time, and I served it an education institution & lived mostly for myself. I stand here on the brink of 22. In 22 more years, I will be 44. (math genius right here).
What will I do, with the time that is laid before me? In the time that I have lived, from now... I will be in the middle of my life. & so may you.
"All we have decide is what to do, with the time that is given to us"
For 22 years I have invested more of myself into others than into the only one worthy of such investments. I have spent too long living a life as a servant of the world... and not to a Kingdom. All of this, reader, is fleeting. All that we know this life to be, is a temporary scratch on eternity. I know this is so difficult to understand. & to the Christian reader, we know very well that this is not our home. We are simply passing through. Did God call you to live for yourself in this small temporary passing? Did He call you to place other humans before Him? Skills and gifts & the comforts of life before Him? Earth possessions before Him? In a culture that exemplifies the ability to find strength and worth in our selves, above all things, clearly, it presents a greater challenge for us to combat this line of thinking.
But the truth is, we must. It is not about me. & its really not about you either. Its not about my boyfriend, or your boyfriend or girlfriend. Or my best friend or yours. or my parents, or your parents... its not about any single one of us. It is about a Man. & a Cross.& the choice we have before us.
What are we willing to put to the side?
Who is the god of our life?
Where are we investing our hearts? Our finances? Our futures?
Drink this in.
Are we investing in comforts of this life... people, places, things, ideas
or are we investing in the call that Jesus Christ Himself, the Lord of Heaven & THIS earth... has called us all... to do?
It is time. It is time for me. and perhaps for you. to let go.
to let go of all that is seen and known,
& to answer the call that has been uniquely implanted in each of us.
I encourage you to process. I encourage you to self reflect. It is all that I have done for 2 weeks. & although there have been some painful truths of realization. I feel more confident now, than ever, that I possess the strength in myself to step off the shore & into the unknown waters of the sea.
Isaiah 6:8 says:
"Whom shall I send? & who will go for us?"- Then said, I, "Here I am Lord, send me."
Mwen vle ale. Mwen vle ale.... ♥
love this. love where you are. it is sooo good. be aware that there will be much spiritual warfare in haiti for YOU. satan wants your eyes OFF jesus and on fear, yourself, etc... so armor up:
ReplyDeleteEphesians 6:10-20 The Whole Armor of God
10 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. 11 Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. 12 For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. 13 Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm. 14 Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, 15 and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace. 16 In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one; 17 and take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God, 18 praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. To that end keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints, 19 and also for me, that words may be given to me in opening my mouth boldly to proclaim the mystery of the gospel, 20 for which I am an ambassador in chains, that I may declare it boldly, as I ought to speak.
love you
Just writing this means that you know who Lindsey is: that you want to be comfortable with the quiet, if you want it, you already have it in the unseen(in God).
ReplyDeleteA life that comes from love for all things and is set out to spread that love is a life truly selfless.
I am on a quest myself to quiet my ego and find my true calling. When my unruly thoughts become too loud I like to recite this:
"God grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change
Courage to change the things I can
And wisdom to know the difference."
You are about to go on such an enormously inside and outside journey. Your strength lies in your power to find the familiar in the unfamiliar of Haiti, your faith and your love. With that, your job there is effortless. Your smile in itself I know will warm the children of Haiti's hearts.
My thoughts and prayers are with you in your life changing, heart-opening journey abroad. Love, Love, Love...
Nic