Sigh No More, Lindsey.

Have you ever woken up and been like.... what. ev. er. ? That was today. And Yesterday.

I seriously felt like someone was beating me over the head yesterday with information. Too much stimuli was presented before me & I reached a point where I just could not process any more. I didn't want to process anymore. I actually broke down in a small cafe in DC yesterday and cried. When Dave asked me what was wrong... all I could say was, "I don't know." I genuinely had no idea why I was crying, why I felt so hurried or rushed... I had gone to church and asked God to prepare my heart for the next week of fasting for the trip. I cried. Alot. But I assumed it was good? And then I left and I seriously felt like I hit a iced cold brick wall that turned out to be nothing more but my heart. I didn't want to care. I have no idea why I was hard heartened to Haiti. I was tired of thinking. and preparing and praying and trying to trust but getting no where. I didn't mean to just get up and leave in the middle of my Haiti meeting. But I literally could not sit there one more minute.

....What is going on...?......

I assumed that in preparing for a trip that I would naturally come to be more opened minded and excited?... However. Today is the absolute opposite. I am scared. I am getting stressed. I feel avoidance. Defiance.

The journey of 1000 miles starts with a single step.... Have I not taken major strides? Am I just throwing a temper tantrum with Jesus? In all honesty, I feel fake today. And in feeling so, I will not pretend to be something or claim something that I am not right now. Today, I am defiant stubborn cold hearted deaf-eared luke-warm Lindsey. And that is that.

Oh, Man is a Giddy thing... so Mumford says...


Sigh no more, no more 
One foot in sea, one on shore 
My heart was never pure 
You know me. 


One foot in the sea. One foot on the shore. 
And that is that.. And that is that. 
I can't seem to let go. to Trust, wholeheartedly. 
 & here's the best part... (sarcasm)...
I have no idea what or how to do so. 

I can not say what this week will unfold to be. I can not really think beyond the next hour right now. If you are reading this, I ask that you pray for me to receive some clarity. And discipline. To be able to let go of my controlling nature. & that God will reveal to me exactly what I need to do trust Him, fully, in being able to make this trip. To find love for Haiti. & not to resent it.


Haiti is so much bigger than a trip. I know this for certain. Haiti is the full culmination of being able to Trust Jesus. & to let go of security. Right now I am fighting it. I am fighting God. Pray that I stop lol. Pray that I grow up. Pray that I can own my faith. That I can walk without sight. That I can see the simpleness in humans. & that nothing can fill me more than Jesus.

Pray that I would believe in this, with every ounce, of myself:
Love that will not betray you, 
dismay or enslave you, 
It will set you free 
Be more like the man 
you were made to be... <3