and I cannot hear Your voice
I'll hold on to what is true,
though I cannot see...
Angst.
That is probably the closest word to sum up my heart in the hours that will lead into tomorrow.
Have you ever been clueless as to how to enter into a circumstance? Not quite sure what to say. or what to do. Maybe its been addressing a co worker, or a family member. A peer. A significant other. a friend. Maybe its a been a decision you have spent months praying about.
& despite hours of discernment.
& cognition.
& contemplation.
& sough out advice.
& wonder.
& rehearsal.
& your certainty of articulation and intent...
you know nothing of what lies ahead.
Victory. Defeat.
who knows? who cares, really.
The past month has been comprised of all said things. I feel like I've become a human sponge. And that I am constantly trying to take in as much as I can. But sometimes to the point of utter exhaustion.
I have to admit tonight I am a tad weary.
Uncertainty has crippled me. And my heartache hangs in cupped hands....
If the storms of life they come,
& the road ahead gets steep,
I will lift these hands in faith
I will believe...
I have learned a lot of things over the past month. Nothing I take for granted. I am blessed by fresh eyes. A new song. and above all things, Freedom. Self discovery is the hardest thing anyone can ever do. It involves being so raw with the person that we too often try to portray as having it all together; ourselves. It is so easy to glance at the person beside us and see what their life looks like, next to ours. and say hey, I'm doing pretty well...But when we compare our lives to Jesus. The only One truly worth comparing a life to, are we really measuring up all that well? I was not. This month has been completely devoted to trying my best to re-align my life with The Life that left the greatest impact this world has ever seen.
The process has been anything but easy. It may in fact be the hardest thing I've ever done. & sacrifices have been made. & will be made. All in what I have to trust tonight is for my greatest good.
Blessed are those who listen to me, watching daily at my doors, waiting at my doorway. Proverbs 8:34
"I remind myself of all You have done.
& the life I have, because of Your Son..."
In this past month of heightened discernment, I have been given this; "You are meant for greatness."
I have no idea in what context that implies, or where those words will ring true. Or just when that "aha" moment will set in. But that is what God has laid on my heart. Tonight I am doubting God's goodness. I am scared to trust. But when I take a small glimpse on what God has done in my life in just a year... How could I not trust that He has only goodness to offer me? He has given me fresh eyes. a new song. and above all things, Freedom.
He has given me: "You, are meant for greatness."
How can I possibly have fear or angst tonight. How can I possibly doubt Him.
but those who wait upon the Lord
will renew their strength.
they will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint. Isaiah 40:31
& tonight will be nothing more, than a waiting.
Mountain high, or valley low.
I'll sing out, remind my soul
that I am Yours. I am forever Yours.
wow... I have to say you and I relate tonight... I was just going through similar emotions tonight... but truth is we will be okay because like you said and like the song says we are forever His... amen on that! xoxo
ReplyDelete