Perfect in Weakness

I scrapped my knees when I was praying,
& found a demon in my safest haven.

The past couple weeks have been heavy.
Heavy in contemplation,
great in reflection.
but mostly, in self preservation.

Most people know that I battled, and still do from time to time, with what served as an all-thought- consuming eating disorder. Much of this was fueled by comparing myself to other females for more than half of my life. And the strict requirements set by a disillusioned culture forced me to seek out reassurance from dudes who really had no premises for judgement. Essentially, I was seeking out my worth. I had no idea what it was because it was distorted my a reflection in a mirror, drained by advertisements featuring, what now appears to me, as prepubescent, malnourished models, ultimately binding me to a lie that I was ill sufficient. This has been a great journey to overcome. And something I still work through daily.

That being said, when I look back on this time, I tend to have no real recollection of who I was, because I was endlessly trying to be something I was not. Dreams came and went, and most of my time was spent preoccupied trying to hold the attention of another person as long as I could, just so I wasn't alone.

I too, had succumbed to the strenuous bondage of life.
& the enemy worked in over time to keep me there.
Looking back I think he worked so hard to keep me there because he knew just how much potential, in Christ, I possessed.

I never really took the time to examine who I was crafted to be. Yeah I wasn't a bump on a log... but I certainly didn't expound much time or energy learning who I was, or who I could be.

Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst. But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his immense patience as an example for those who would believe in him and receive eternal life. 1st Tim 1:15-17

I've spent this week realizing how far I have come in one year. And I decided tonight, I would try something new. For once, I wanted to share with you the things that I have discovered about myself: some that I have always known, and was simply reminded of. Somethings I never imaged for my life, and some that I believe to be a part of who God made me to be, that will be revealed in due time. Things I am proud of. And here there are:


1. The Lord taught me this year that I am good friend. Although I am far from perfect, I think one thing that I am committed to are my friendships. God taught me much of what it takes to be considered a friend that sticks closer than a brother. I hope I never take for granted the time that I have spent with those I value, and who value me.

2. The Lord has revealed to me that I possess a gift. A gift that is sacred and not to be exploited or defamed. The Lord has blessed me with an ability to capture the heart of a person in an image, than can be preserved, long after the person in the image is gone. Photographing people was never something I quite saw myself excelling in. As an artist, I have always been fascinated by portraiture and faces, but this year God exposed the tool by which I would capture glimpses of many souls that I will encounter for years to come. I am honored to carry this gift so graciously entrusted to me, and hope that I will only be able to use it for something to warrant changed hearts.

3. The Lord has set me free from bondage. For years now, I have been trapped in sinful relationships. I finally fell in love with a person who loved God more than he loved me. & it changed how I saw everything. It allowed me to walk forward into total freedom, to leave an old way of life behind, forever.

4. The Lord re instituted my worth. My seeking for worth in people has left me. God took me, a person who believed marriage was a broken tradition in a culture who glamorized every aspect of marriage but the sole reason of what it was meant to be. Waiting til I was married made no sense to me. There was no reason why I should ever marry into what would only result in brokenness. The Lord harnessed my restless, bitter and contrite heart... and allowed me to believe that He created a person for me, who is my Beloved. Who is alive and breathing as we speak. He is a man of God. He will be a faithful husband, an endearing friend... and above all things... a nurturing father. And that man is worth waiting for. & I for him. 

Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: 
The Lord makes us Perfect in Weakness. 


I was as weak as they would come. as sinful as they would come. and in my humility, in my weakest moments, both then... and now... He brought about change... to reveal the nature of Himself to those who would come to know Him by such an example. 


But He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness."
-Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me."- 2 Corth 12:9


The moment we realize we are broken, The moment God can enter in to that space, and begin your transformation.




Today was a day of great weakness.
Today was a day of great perfection. 
Today I am proud of the person God has made me.
Today is the strongest I have ever felt, in my life. 

Perfect in weakness

I'm only perfect in just Your strength alone