from the inside,out...

Everlasting... Your light will shine when all else fades....http://www.flickr.com/photos/iko/106957481/

What a month. What a week.... What a yesterday... I know this has been a time for me to learn and to be stretching myself. Some very interesting experiences occurred this week, that I feel quite compelled to share.

One of my greatest struggles has always been comparing myself to others, mainly other women. I have always been confident in my character and personality, yet in the physical department, I must say, I have and do struggle daily. I know you may be thinking, "well gosh Linds, everyone does from time to time, that's normal," but let me assure you, this has been a demon that has haunted tortured me for many years now. I've compared myself to models, close friends... you name it. I believe I have a very distorted perception of beauty. But like all things, God is changing this.
He started by giving me amazing peace about a particular person in which I was in constant comparison. I'm not gonna lie, it was very sad and consuming. For some reason, this person was on my mind quite a bit. Last weekend, I interacted with this individual for a little bit, which allowed me to have some peace of mind... but it wasn't until Monday when they sent me SUCH a message of encouragement did I receive the peace I had been needing. This person is indeed beautiful and is on the same road that I am; seeking God first. I think the old me would have let my own insecurities fester... would have created feelings of jealousy and animosity towards this person. But God challenged me to rise above myself and to see her for who God made her. To love her as a sister in Christ. And I believe I have made a new friend....

Similar to this, God called me once again to let go of things I have clung to in the past that affect me. I think I had been convicted of this for quite some time, but I could not surrender this to Him. I wanted to keep my relationships to myself. God could have the rest of me, but my relationships were mine. He couldn't have that part of my heart. It's obvious that human touch is far more present and imminent than the touch of God. You get immediate satisfaction. I want a hug. he'll hug me. I need a shoulder to cry on. he'll lend his. I want physical intimacy. sure thing. At our fingertips. It takes far greater discipline and patience to let God, the true lover of your heart and soul and body meet those needs. For one, God doesn't put His physical arms around us when need it most, so naturally we will seek comfort from a human being... how I have learned that this is so temporary... and is ultimately unfulfilling. I realized that the reason why I've had quite a few failed relationships is because God was not the center of it. I kept it to myself, thought I knew best. Sure enough, I didn't. And if God is not the center of your relationship... it will fail. Perhaps that's why the divorce rate is so high. Are spouses today serving God together, loving Him more than their partner? I am not sure. All I know is that I have been blessed enough to finally have found a guy who put God before me. Who pointed me back to Him, even when I didn't want to hear it. This is all new for me, entirely. And even though I have no idea how to rise above and truly live this out, I have him beside me, to build me up, to challenge me, and remind me when I forget. Hopefully I will do the same for him, with the strength of Jesus.

Everything is different now. It has to be. The old ways have to go. To love, truly, it can never be the same. I have to be changed, from the inside, out....I don't know what challenges are before me, but...Bring it on...

"Your will above all else, my purpose remains, the art of losing myself in bringing You praise....