January-February:
Surprisingly enough these months weren't all that terrible. I had been struggling with immense anxiety and eating issues all throughout the fall of 09 due to a lot of stress from the relationship I was in at the time. I suppose the holiday cheer was carrying through, and he and I were getting along quite well. Nothing truly monumental happened other then a few small bursts here and there..
March:
Ah March stands alone. I think I felt the most pain I've ever felt in my life in March. I was completely and utterly walked on by a person who had never put me first in 2 years of dating. I had tried and tried to be all that I could have been for that guy. I was physically sick from stress that existed in the relationship. But for some reason that was not enough. I felt the wrath of "the upper hand" in March. And spent many nights crying myself to sleep, being ignored, told that he would talk to me when he felt like it and if I loved him, I'd sit around, wait and deal. March 2010 is a month I'll never forget, even though I will always try to.
April:
April was a profound month forged by inner strength. It all changed on Easter. Although my heart was in the wrong place, and my actions spoke louder than any words ever could, I finally snapped myself out of the close ties to this person, and finally cut it off. I know it sounds like it shoulda been easier... but it's always easier said then done... No more crying. No more lies. No more BS. I deserved so much more. and I finally realized that.
May- July:
These months were the most interesting looking back, because I feel like a side of myself emerged that I am not sure had ever been seen before. I was so emotionally drained from the relationship, that I carried a numbness into new relationships I was making. I spent time with dudes who were soo wrong for me just because it was something to do? My thinking was just flawed. These months were spent wasting precious time. These months were also the months where I felt the most spiritually dead. And had many people who I thought really cared for me...but really didn't...exit my life...
August... :')...
The best of all. In this month, I got close to a person who left a lasting impression. I know that I've only been with him a few months now, but Dave was the guy who changed my thinking. He made me realize I could love again...that I could love God again. In august, I found the Love of my life...August was the turning point. I found Him<3.
September-December:
The months of growth. I was blessed with a new amazing church, an entirely new and fantastic group of friends, a deep reconnection with old friends, rebuilding relationships with my family, learning who I was on my own two feet, celebrating holidays with the true meaning instilled in them, turning 21, and finally getting a body piercing. These months have been the best. I have shared more smiles and laughs and have drank way more caffeine then any human should. But these months will leave lasting memories in my heart.
This year stands out the most to me because in 12 months, I literally experienced, what has been up til now, the hardest and most difficult time in my life... I was a completely lost person, miserable, mentally unstable, selfish and broken... and in the same year, became a person who is appreciative, is a total goofball, loves deeply and is truly joyful. I believe the transformation is quite noticeable. 2010 left me with an amazing testimony, one filled with experience.
In just a few short hours will all embark on the journey into 2011. In a few hours, the whole world will start again, with hopes for clean slates and starting points, resolutions and promises. I truly believe that 2011 will bring forth the fruits in which I have been searching for. I believe this year, will be a big one. My hope is that you will truly spend this year finding you. That you can leave behind regrets and savor moments of joy. That 2011 will be a start of something much bigger than yourself. Lets cross our fingers and have high hopes. Thank God for new years. Thank God for new days.
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