I just figured out THIS spring that I wanted to pursue a career as a Photographer...I've spent my entire senior year of college attacking a second major, trying my best to finish so that I may better my chances in the photog world... and with that comes more stress of organizing graduate school applications and trying to plan internships. My question is, when does it end? When can I just stop doing all this and just live? Is that entirely irrational thinking on my behalf? I can't help but think about the endless amounts of opportunities that are passing by me because of school and the stress surrounding it. Maybe I am just having major senioritus right now, but I seriously have come to resent schooling and education. I feel like it causes you to be very selfish. College instills the idea into young minds that you have to beat out the person in the seat next to you, and with the state of the economy, you have to be the best to get to the top of the job market. And that may be all well and good, but I can't help but think about putting all of that aside and just following my heart for once. It's always been about being independent and making money for me. I've always told myself I would never depend on another person for financial support. That anything I needed or wanted in life, I would make it happen based on my own success and so forth. That side of me is really driving me to continue my education, to pursue graduate school and get some fancy schmancy dream job working for national geographic. I swear, I want nothing more than to have one of my pictures be the photo of the day on their website...(giggles). However.. at the exact same time...part of me just wants to forget school and just live. Get my own place, work, intern somewhere cool, explore, move to Manhattan, just be able to pick up and go out to places and bring back pictures that will move people.
How do I do it? How? I can't even pay my car payment... how will I ever be able to support myself and make all these desires happen? Are my dreams just dreams...or with the strength of God, can I really live them out?... Can I live a legacy? Can I, Lindsey Plevyak, be that person you remember....?
I just don't know. I want to do huge things. But I need to always remember that my version of "huge" isn't God's version of "huge." Maybe what God wants for my life isn't in my big plan. & I need to open to that. I've decided to go ahead and try to apply to grad school for fall admission... I've also decided that if I am not accepted it is because God wants me somewhere else for that time... & I've made peace with that... but I'm still gonna give it a whirl.
Guys, I have no clue whats ahead of me..I just had to be honest tonight and remind myself that I do not know all the answers...and I am actually quite fearful of the coming months. All I can do is give up my dreams to something bigger than myself. God knows the desires of our hearts... and I believe we are all called to greatness... by HIS definition. Let's start letting go a bit shall we? I believe in US!
Trust in the Lord with all of your heart & lean not on your own understanding. In all ways, acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6
Maybe grad school isn't required. Not always, but often passion and raw skill can typically overcome the lack of "paper" credentials. I'm not going to say that I know how the photography business works, but like most things in life - it's not what you know, but who you know that will open doors and provide opportunities to great things. We're young yet, give it some time...
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