what a shame.

Have you ever been so angry that you didn't know how to control it? This isn't the type of anger that is from a bad fight, or from some stupid offense of a lover, or agitation gone haywire. This is a deep seated anger that encases your heart... and is the source of ultimate hurt and disappointment in your life. The one that is the hardest to surrender. And the hardest I believe to forgive.

It is the anger of time wasted. Of relationships destroyed. Of misunderstandings. Of short comings. Of self questioning. Of why wasn't I more important. Of pity. Of having to figure it out on my own. Of not coming to my defense when I needed it. Of knowing it will never be what I had hoped for. Of being unable to envision certain future ideals that should be natural. Of fear for what failures may lie ahead in my life. Of a poor example....

How do I let go of that. How. How. How. How. I don't quite know if I can...

"Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you" Colossians 3:13.

"Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." Ephesians 4:32

"Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times? - Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times." Matthew 18:21-22

"For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your father will not forgive your sins." Matthew 6:14-15

BUT WHAT IF I CAN'T. what if i just cant. what if I don't know how. Lord, I just do not know if I can surrender these wounds to You... I'll never understand Your infinite mercy and love...it is beyond my simple and feebleness. How do You forgive those who's hearts are black with sin?Murders? Child molesters?Rapists? Terrorists? How deep is Your love?....How far is Your grace? It is beyond me. I will never be able to wrap my small arms around You... but I will not lose heart... for if You can die for those who don't know You... for those who spat on You... for those who deny You...for those who are lost... for those who hate You... for me... than I can try... I will try... even when I do not know how... I will try....

There is a light
It burns brighter than the sun
He steals the night
And casts no shadow
There is hope
Should oceans rise and mountains fall
He never fails


So take heart
Let His love lead us through the night
Hold on to hope
And take courage again

In death by love
The fallen world was overcome
He wears the scars of our freedom
In His Name
All our fears are swept away
He never fails

All our troubles
And all our tears
God our hope
He has overcome

All our failure
And all our fear
God our love
He has overcome

All our heartache
And all our pain
God our healer
He has overcome

All our burdens
And all our shame
God our freedom
He has overcome

God our justice
God our grace
God our freedom
He has overcome

God our refuge
God our strength
God is with us
He has overcome

Take Heart: Hillsong United