Untitled

Maybe your reason why all the doors are closed
So you could open one that leads you to the perfect road....

I spent a lot of time last night trying to process my day yesterday. It was a day that was the result of weeks of God bending me, twisting my arm, and shedding some light in the unaddressed areas of my heart. I was actually left speechless in just how apparent He made himself yesterday. But I'll give you some background info first
- And please let me also say, this is not easy for me to share. But my hope is that it is used to glorify what God is doing in my life. 


For most of you who know me, I graduated from college last May. It's really hard to believe its been a year already...In some ways,  I feel like that was just a few months ago... But in other ways, I've grown so much since then, it feels like a life ago. 


Most of my classmates had a very leisurely senior year, due to completing most of their requirements for graduation in the bulk of their junior year. Not I!. I decided to take on a second major before entering my senior year, with hope that it would potentially providing more opportunities for me in the future. I spent my entire summer enrolled in painfully hot classrooms, studying and trying my best to meet now 2 major(s) requirements before graduating. Needless to say I was exhausted. But I was certain this would only open up more doors for me at a later time... 


I walked off the stage last May with a piece of paper in my hand that was my "security" for the workforce, or at least that was what I had been told for years. Get a college degree and you're like set, Right? Wrong. 


Here I am almost a year later of job searching, application submitting, praying etc and my first job post those 4 years of hard work and dedication winds up being the exact job that I did prior to graduating; working in a restaurant. 


I kinda sat there and was like, "Really Lord? I mean, did you not happen to notice the 4 years I put into going to school so that I wouldn't have to work there anymore? Not really sure what You're up to..." 
People have asked me how it was going and I didn't want to talk about it. I didn't want to bring it up. I was essentially being a pious brat. 


Now here's the thing. The Lord has exposed somethings to me about myself that have been down right ugly. I am no saint lol. But the one thing that I was never really aware of, was my pride. 


pride

noun

1.

a high or inordinate opinion of one's own dignity,importance, merit, or superiority, whether as cherished in the mind or as displayed in bearing, conduct

Some where in amidst the wonderful institution that education is, I became disillusioned, without ever really realizing. 

sometimes, I feel such agitation in my bones that I am not being used to my full potential. I sit there and pray, "Lord, I know you give us a taste of heaven so that we never settle for less(2nd Corinthians 5)...Use me and my gifts! Send me! Let me be of use. Let my abilities expand your Kingdom- why in this world are you limiting my capacities?!"


*Shrugs Shoulders*


It was no surprise to me that the verse of the day in my devotional for yesterday was this:

When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom. Proverbs 11:2

Slightly agitated by the oh-so-ironic-coincidence, I meditated over the verse as I walked into my first day at my new job a little hard hearted, but still willing to endure... (Do you get a sense of my swollen ego?!- pious brat)


It was there, in a restaurant, in my home town, did Jesus radiate through the pious walls of my heart. I had the opportunity to share my faith with not one, not two, not even three- but 6 people yesterday... 6 souls, yesterday...The way conversations began didn't even make sense! One young man asked me about my tattoos, allowing me to share the stories behind them... (hence why I have them, they are sometimes, my greatness witnessing tools- #tattooadvocate) Another lady asked me about the ring I wear on my ring finger, in which I was able to explain how the Lord had restored my purity to me, and I was now waiting for my husband. Another person just asked simply because I prayed over my food before I ate, something that I usually forget to do!.... 


I was in awe of how present He was in my day, in the last place I expected Him to be. I couldn't have ignored it if I tried. 


And of course, the best for last. One of the servers who works with me has a miraculous testimony of how God healed her from a 2 year debilitating illness. She walked up to me at the end of the night and said this to me:


"Hey, I remember you say from the other day that this isn't the job that you envisioned for yourself post graduating, but you know, God's plan for our lives is so much greater than we understand... He is going to use you, no matter where you are, You don't know what He's doing, you just have to trust Him... (here's the Jesus slap across my face-)
...Just let go of your Pride. It's going to be ok." 


In total disbelief... all I could do was thank her. 
She replied, "I just felt the need to tell you that."


A complete stranger who doesn't know me at all, or anything about my life- other then the fact that I simply said, "this isn't the job I thought I would have post graduating," spoke the very truth to me that I had been wrestling with for weeks.
Pride. 
How did she know? 
How did she know the very words to say to me to lift my head to the sky? 


I walked out of that restaurant last night, changed. humbled. and more faithful than ever. 


I wanted to write this down to help anyone who may be feeling like they are not where they are supposed to be. It is something I have wrestled with for half of my life. Believing that the something they feel is the right thing for their life is not yet unfolding. If you are getting weary in God's faithfulness, remember the times He was faithful to you and hold onto that moment, even if its from minute to moment. I've heard it a thousand times, that God's time and our time aren't the same... and I never understood until yesterday, just what that really looked like. 

I was in great need of a swift reminder of His great power. I hope this will be nothing but an encouragement to your morning, and your walk with the Lord. His timing is perfect. 
Trust Him. I promise, He is there. Ever good, Ever faithful. 
Praying for us all. 

....Like a lightning bolt, your heart will glow

And when it's time, you'll know