my song from the suburbs

This American dream is 
not what it seems. 
Maybe we're still breathing
but we're all asleep...


Monday morning. The first day to a new week. For most, a dreaded morning. I never really disliked Mondays. In high school/ college I was still coming off the high from the weekend... Wednesdays were always my death day. Mid week. Two down, two more to go. Trapped....
I usually cherish Mondays & this Monday particularly.


I'm not going to lie. Last week was unnaturally bad. As I stated in my last entry, I felt that I was experiencing an immense amount of spiritual attack. things ranged from the simple, such as worries, being unable to sleep, cars breaking down, & therefore beginning the search for a new one... to the not so simple, such as tension, a fatigued spirit, starting a not-so-dream-job, and learning how to say goodbye to a once beloved friendship... 

Pretty cars and pretty houses

Pretty people on parade

If this dream is what you're after

Then dreamin' is where you'll stay....

I was certain that the week was hard because something extraordinary was about to happen. It tends to be that way.. or at least as I get older it seems to appear that way. 

I sat in on one of the best sermons I've ever heard in my life. The exceptional Adam Workman, preached about how we can be walking through life, proclaiming that we know Jesus, doing good works in Jesus' name, serving on behalf of Jesus, praying and asking of Jesus... and completely miss knowing Jesus. Essentially walking through life, asleep. Missing it. Eyes closed to what this life is really all about... It was a message that I believe as followers of God, we need to hear over and over again. 

He also spoke about the apostle Peter... who is believed to be Jesus' most trusted earthly advocate. I stumbled upon a writing about Peter, that states: "The two letters Peter writes exhibit the Christ-like qualities that the Holy Spirit shaped in him: a readiness to embrace suffering, rather prestige, wisdom developed from experience, not imposed from a book, & humility that lacks nothing in vigor, or imagination..."

1. a readiness to embrace suffering, rather prestige

2. wisdom developed from experience, not imposed from a book

3. & humility that lacks nothing in vigor, or imagination

This is what St. Peter, Jesus' most beloved advocate was striving for? Not a dream. Not for security, not to be well respected. Not to be successful. Not to be happily married with a family, not money. Not what he could get out of it. Not seeking after what he believed his faithfulness deserved. Nothing more, than more of Jesus.

Are we just runnin' in the dark or livin'? 
Are we just runnin' in the dark or livin'?

I wonder if we all are missing it. I wonder if we are all really walking around with eyes closed, asleep. 

I am certain that the enemy knew that I would have these words graze over my ears this weekend. & That my heart would be set a fire, with a passion & a desire to know my Jesus even more...

To really press into Him.. to truly seek Him, above all else...

& am grateful, that despite his many attempts to de-rail me... this Monday morning, he has failed..

This Monday morning I feel restored. 

This Monday morning, I am hopeful.

This Monday morning, I want to be like St. Peter.

This Monday morning, I all I want is more of Jesus.

Oh, cause I wanna live

Until I die

Don't let the devil, bury me alive

when my heart stops,

let me go home

Don't let the suburbs

kill my heart & soul.... 

*lyrics by Ben Rector. Song for the Suburbs

In the midst of besiegement...

"It's useless to rise early and go to bed late, and work your worried fingers to the bone. Don't you know He enjoys giving rest to those He loves?" Psalm 127:2


It seems that these days I never have a moment to catch my breath. I feel as though I am constantly planning, moving, running etc. There is always somewhere to be, someone to aid, something to do, someone needing something from me. I have felt rather scattered... There never seems to be enough time, no matter how early I wake up, today at 4 am. 

I just started a new bible study at my church, (phenomenal- I recommend this to all ladies in my local community) and last week's topic was on weariness. I felt like I fit right into the discussion. My weariness has not been from physical exhaustion, but really from what I perceive as restlessness and most recently immense spiritual warfare. 


I can not sleep through the night. 
Taunted by nightmares or fears.
And this week alone, I have literally felt as though I was being sabatoged. Everything that could have gone wrong did. Weird, unexplainable difficulties have been thrown with in my path. I have prayed for peace, rest and solitude. And feel as though a counter force has plagued me with interuption, distraction, and many curve balls. 


This morning I literally broke down. I had had enough. Broken in my spirit, crying out for some sort of peace and productivity, but it did not come. I cried out, "Lord, where are you in this?! I can not see you."


Silence. 


With the attempt to balance starting a new job tomorrow, leading worship this weekend at my church, playing much needed catch up on photo work, all without a mode of transportation (RIP little honda) has left me a tad bit shaken. 


The only comfort that I have found this week, is the continual repeat of a song that is loaded with truth. No matter where I have been, or what I have been doing, this song has served as a soft melodic soundtrack, in order to help me press forward to a weekend following a broken week. 


A few weeks ago when I served leading worship at my church, we included this song as a special song. My friend Brooke sang it, and I literally cry every time I hear it. It has been one of my favorite songs for quite some time... I wanted to include the version we played *(Love Came Down link at the bottom). So that incase you are having a week like mine, you too could be comforted by the words of this powerful song. I pray that they continuously wash over us, even if it is simply from moment to moment. 

"In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express." Romans 8:26


Prayers for us all<3 

Love Came Down