Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Friend

A single soul dwelling in two bodies? Perhaps... I remember when I was a senior in high school, someone told me if you could count true friends on one hand you were lucky. I also thought to myself that I was REAL lucky, cause I had more true friends that I could count on two hands. Once again, lol, wrong. Yes, I had a large social circle and a good amount of friends. Yet, it wasn't until more recently, that I learned what it meant to have true friendships.

Like all things this year, big changes occurred in friendships I had. I feel as though God called me to sorta pull away from those friends of mine who weren't really walking with Him. It wasn't so much that those people didn't care about me, or I them. It was that I was SO weak from how far I had fallen, that I needed strength. I needed substance. I needed encouragement, guidance, truth. I had to cling to those who could offer me that, so there was no possibility of turning back, especially at first.

One day when I was skimming through the New Testament, I came across the book of Philemon. Being only about 6 paragraphs long, I thought to myself... hmmm I wonder what ol' Philemon has to say in such a brief passage. Much to my dismay, I found the very passage that I had been looking for;

Philemon verse 4 says:
"I always thank my God as I remember you in my prayers, because I hear about your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all the saints.I pray that you may be active in sharing your faith, so that you will have a full understanding of every good thing we have in Christ. Your love has given me great joy and encouragement, because of you, brother, have refreshed the hearts of the saints."

Through out this time, I have found that 4 of my friends, fit this statement, through and through. And so I will mention each :
 Abby
 Abby and I have been friends for a few years now, we used to work together at the Pour House Cafe when it still was in existence. Unfortunately, due to my own misfortune, I sorta walked out on our friendship for a few years. Luckily, or rather, thankfully, when I finally wised up, she was still there waiting to hug me with open arms. To make me laugh out loud, to be a shoulder to cry on, and to let her GIGANTO dog, who is ironically named Bentley as well, have sleep overs with us. Abby meets me just where I am. She lives it. She walks the walk. Abby has one of the most endearing hearts. She is resilient, she is faithful in times when most of us could never be. She loves God fully....and her huge heart is nothing less than infectious, her spirit is contagious... and people notice her wherever she goes....
Bekah

Bex is a fairly new friend of mine. However, in our short time together, we have shared our love for coffee, our quest for seeking God, and braved many a road trip up rt. 95. Although I am still getting to know her, from what I have gathered is that this gal is always always seeking. Whether its wisdom, or patience, silence or joyfulness, Bekah displays persistence and discipline in her faith, which are sometimes the hardest aspects to put in motion, especially during the hectic seasons of life. She always sends me that song lyric, or quote, or funny saying, just when I need it most. Her beautiful heart has impacted me and I look forward to growing with her in both faithfulness and high blood pressure from all the coffee we consume....
Allie
Oh Allison. Where to even start. Allison has been quite dear to my heart for sometime now. Allison is the friend who sings the song of my heart back to me when I forget. Alls is the one who never. ever. fails me. Come hell, or high water... Allie is always steadfast. This girl is unshakable. She is truly THE most beautiful girl I have ever known. From the inside out, she radiates with an unconditional love for Christ, and those she holds dear to heart. We share big dreams, big smiles & most of all big hearts for direction. Our weekly gatherings at panera are my saving grace. I believe everyone should have an Allie in their life. If there were more people like Allison George, the world would seriously be far brighter....
Cristina

Proverbs 18:24 says, "A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother." - If there were ever to be a friend that would stick closer to me than anyone else, it is Cristina.Tina and I have an interesting story to tell... we've been best friends now since we were seniors in high school, but  I think if you were to ask either of us if we believed our friendship would be subjected to what we have both experienced over the past 4 years, I think we would both answer that we had no idea back when we walked across the stage together at graduation.... I can honestly say that I'm not sure if I could have made it through some of my darker days with out this girl. Days where my heart was completely empty. When I couldn't talk to my mom, or my dad, or to God, I could talk to her. She prayed for me when I told her I didn't want it anymore. She led me by her example when I didn't want one. She said words of truth that I needed to hear when no one else would tell me. She stood by me and loved me when others didn't get me. And through the years we have shared more laughs than I think most people share in a life time. She is the one who DAILY lifts me up. Who DAILY I want to lift up. She has one of the most beautiful hearts, and a deep deep love for God that pushes her to lead by example. She is stronger now than she has ever been. And even if you may not understand half of the made up words we say, we know what the other is saying...Cristina will be the one friend I will have for my entire life. She is the sister I never had. She is one of Gods biggest blessings to my life. And I think she knows it...

What is a friend? A single soul dwelling in two bodies. Knowing the other's heart. Loving the other unconditionally. Having the other's best interest in mind. & taking a hold of the other's hand, tightly, and walking together, side by side, on the road less traveled.

"Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow. Don't walk behind me, I may not lead. Just walk beside me & be my friend...."

chains may hold us today, but won't hold us forever.


Since I am a photographer, I am constantly inspired by the work of others. I was looking through National Geographic's (who I hope someday I work for) photos of people and culture. This one just really stood out to me. Hopefully, I can figure out a way to have a daily photo on my blog, but until then...

Monday, November 29, 2010

Sunsets & Silhouette Dreams

Had an amazing night with my awesome boyfriend... got to see a great sunset. Sorry about the pole in the picture, but I just wanted to share <3

Sunday, November 28, 2010

hey devil, go home. I don't need you.

So. This week for me was all about fighting the guy on the left. Pretty ugly isn't he? I can not even begin to describe how hard the past two weeks have been for me spiritually. Despite the fact that I feel like I have this new awareness with God, the presence of the devil in my life feels even stronger. I suppose that when I wasn't walking closely to God, I was just consumed in it, so it felt like normal, or typical? But now that I am striving so fervently away from my old self, I feel as though the devil tries harder to hurt me. I think he simply wants to reek havoc in my life, and to those around me. I mean just turn on the news or pick up today's paper. It is evident the devil is at work in this world.

In John 10:10, Jesus says, "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." Seek. Kill. Destroy... his existence is solely to attempt to pull me away from goodness, away from all that is Jesus. he wants me to feel defeated... and I believe he ultimately wants me to blame God for the pain and chaos in my life...he wants you to blame God for the pain and chaos in yours.

I think that if we can put a face on the one that seeks to destroy our hearts, he becomes less threatening. If we can truly stand in confidence knowing that our Lord has already won, and that he stands no chance in succeeding over our lives...together with Christ's strength, I believe we can overtake this evil doer... I believe that eventually, I can beat these struggles within myself that he tries so desperately to bring to the forefront. All I can say friends, is that he is not sleeping... and neither should we. Pray hard for God's strength and presence in our lives. & let us faithfully know that Jesus Christ our Lord has won the battle over him. Be guarded. Be ready. & Be at peace.


"I'll just be strong and keep knowing, that now I will overtake you."

Monday, November 22, 2010

Sunday, November 21, 2010

for You & You alone, awake my soul...

For my first blog, I find myself with a bowl of Breyer's coffee fudge brownie ice cream and the company of my 7 month old boxer pitt bull Bentley. In the very familiar words of the Sound of Music, "Let's start at the very beginning, A very good place to start." I'm not going to take you to the beginning of my life, but rather, the beginning of what I feel was the descent of my spiritual life. This, I feel, is essential to the start of my blog because it defines the person I am now. Bear with me a bit...


I have been "Christian" now for as long as I can remember. I put quotations around the word because up until now, I feel as though my Christianity was equal to those who answer the question, "are you religious?" and their response is, "well, ya I'm a Christian."- I think what those people mean is that, they believe in God, and may believe that Jesus died on the cross, and may go to church on Sundays and do good deeds and strive to be good people... but truly have not encountered the Lord Jesus. That they do not possess a true and meaningful personal relationship with Christ. I feel this is who I had been all my life. I believed in God, I went to church. I tried to be a good person. I had even accepted Christ into my heart. I knew all the Bible stories, back and forth & had heard the message of this great love. I had heard it all.... little did I know how distant I was from Him. Looking back, I see myself as Lindsey Lukewarm Plevyak. I knew it all.... yet I knew nothing.



When I turned 19, I can say that this marked a total spiritual descent for me. Entering my sophomore year of college, I began focusing on things that were not good for me, whatsoever. I found myself engulfed in a relationship that was incredibly unhealthy. I made that person the most important thing to me. I even put that person's needs and happiness over my own. & for this... I suffered immensely. The dysfunction of this relationship caused traits to emerge in myself that had never been there before; anxiety, distraught, insecurity, self centeredness, ugliness. Not only was this relationship causing me to slowly lose myself, but the friends that I held "dearest" to me, for most, did not know God, did not care to know him, and were living their lives for themselves. Even my interests changed, regarding tangible items. I found myself being consumed with a lust for worldly wealth. Pricey and trendy were all that it needed to be for me to like it. If it was a brand found in Glamour magazine, or from a store on 5th avenue, or Coach or Tiffany's or Steve Madden, Juicy Couture... I could go on and on people...then it was good enough. Ultimately... I based value in things with simply no worth. I was stretching myself thin. Literally. And even though I would fight you, or my mother, til the end, to convince you I was happy and content, I was the furthest thing from.  My soul, I feel... had closed it's eyes. It had become weary from the emptiness. I was spiritually dying.



Just before this summer, I finally got myself out of that relationship, which was great, yet only to find myself trying once again to fill that giant void in my heart with physical comfort from dudes who really didn't care about me or my spirituality. I was so lost people. So lost in my own little life, and I was the only one to blame for it. Usually the end of summer is sad time for most, especially if you are a student. Yet the end of this summer would be the greatest time of all....



After fighting and fighting for so long.. I found myself utterly weary and miserable. I had the world at my feet, but nothing solid to stand on. I remember well a good conversation I was having with my best friend, Cristina. Tina had been praying for me, and was sharing that she had hoped that I would find my way to Him again. I distinctly remember replying..." I just don't know boo. I think I'm done." And for a brief moment.... I just may have been. However, like a thief in the night... He came for me. He stole my heart just when I was ready to throw in the towel...



One night in the summer, I laid there in my bed, scared, alone, confused, lost, empty, angry, broken. At that moment, I was overwhelmed with a tugging, a pulling in my chest. It was like something that I had never experienced before. I knew I had a choice to make. Do I keep settling for this life of emptiness? or do I say I am sorry to the only One who never left me, to the One who loved me even when I was ugly, to the One who loved me when I didn't love Him back. Oh, it was the hardest thing I ever did people. You think saying sorry would be easy....I knew I had to change my life, change my thinking, my focus. It was no longer about me. In the darkest hour of my life, I found overwhelming peace, security. I had truly encountered Jesus, and He had encountered me. It was no longer about me. I was awake. I was alive.


Since this night, It has not been an easy ride. I think it's even harder now, because I am holding myself accountable. Others are holding me accountable. I can honestly say though, I have grown more in the past three months, than I think I have in any season of my life. Things are unfolding much faster now. It is scary and exciting. I feel that the plan for my life is finally before me. & I am following the only thing I know will never fail me, who has never failed me, and that is Jesus. Do not mistake what I am saying. I do not have all the answers, and my life is not smooth sailing now. All I know is that there is a plan and purpose for me; to serve others, to share the love I know with you, to try to live my life as best I can to exemplify Jesus Christ. Everyday I am trying, striving, toward this. That my life is solely meant to reflect Jesus. It is no longer about me. It never was...



This had to be a long one... It was a lot to share. Thank you for taking time to read my story. I look forward to all that Christ will continue to do, in my life and in yours. <3



Like the rising Sun that shines, from the darkness comes a light... I hear Your voice & this is my, Awakening

Saturday, November 20, 2010

Beginnings...

So after pondering the thought of "blogging" for a little, I finally decided this would be a good thing for me. This time in my life is by far the most interesting. Things, I feel, are in constant transition and at this point, nothing feels permanent or stable. I felt that documenting my thoughts/experiences would be beneficial not only to myself, but perhaps to others that are currently in this time of uncertainty as well. I feel compelled to not necessarily write about my life or day to day events, but ideas, struggles, thoughts of the future and most of all, the ever growing walk with my Lord, Jesus. Hopefully this will be a fruitful endeavour. All in good time...


"And we know that in all things, God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28