it's not the Lindsey show

We call out Your Name in the darkness
And watch as Your glory unfolds
For there is no measure, or end
To the power You hold...

Hi friend, it's been awhile, eh?

As usual, I am:

active

assiduous

occupied

laboring

hustling

bustling

and plain and simple, busy. 

(I often times wonder just how in universe I will be able to juggle my life once I'm married with children.... there just AREN'T enough hours!!!!)

With that being said, I have had very little time to think, let alone breath, and most definitely, to write. But today was a day that was a little different. And it sort of was the summation of a three month thought process.

By now you are quite familiar with my pride issue. my control issue. my timing issue. & my fear -of-the-unknown issue. I have written countless entries, based upon these reoccurring themes in my life. But it was today, the 24th of July... of 2012... it all kind of meshed together.

All of this time, I have been very discontent in the place God has sent me. Although I am blessed with a loving family, amazing friends, a life giving church community, and a million more blessings, I still have felt unbelievably restless within the confines of where God has allowed these things to unfold. I've been waiting for "bigger" & "better." I've been anticipating something new, something wild, anything...

Francis Chan, (brilliant) author of the book, Crazy Love, that I am currently working through (every chapter literally blows my mind out of my skull, so it's taking me a little while) words it far better than I could ever...

*He writes how our lives are like being extras in a movie... say we were to invite tons of friends, even host a grand showing for a movie that we are playing an extra in... We may get about 2/5s? of a second on screen? maybe? "Look, see there I am!!! That's the back of my head in that large crowd!!"  

"Wait, Where?"

& that's it. Our scene ends. Our life ends. And it's over. 

He continues on to say that the entire film, starring & directed by, is about Jesus. Every one's coming out to watch Him. To find Him. To learn about Him. 

How foolish would it be for us to invite friends to actually watch the back of our heads for 2 moments!! And that is an abstract visual of what our time looks like on earth... 

"Men are never duly touched and impressed with a conviction of their insignificance, until they have contrasted themselves with the majesty of God." R.C. Sproul 

...It finally hit me this morning when I received a text message from a co worker who I had been investing some of my heart into. Going through a rather rough time, they wrote:

"You have left a lasting impression on my heart. Because of knowing you, I have decided to pursue abstinence and sobriety." 

....All of this time... the last place in the UNIVERSE I wanted to be was where I currently work. I had been feeling this was NOT the place the Lord had wanted me to go... this wasn't anointed. This was certainly not what I went to school for and I was CERTAINLY NOT having any FUN. (ew, I'm over myself) 

& then, just this morning, waking up to that message, It all made sense. It clicked. 

I was simply meant to get the job where I currently work... to meet this person.... to show them God's love...so that they might have hope in Him...So that they might truly, live.

It's not the Lindsey show..... 

& it's certainly not your show either....

*"In about 50 years, (give or take a couple decades) no one will remember you. Everyone you know will be dead. Certainly no one will care what job you had, what car you drove, what school you attended, what clothes you wore." - the only thing that will matter is what we did with our 2/5s of a second.... the only one who will know, is God.

These moments that we have are really are just moments. Tomorrow isn't promised... even though that simple truth leaves us as quickly as it comes. We don't live in such a way because, we actually don't believe it. We believe in tomorrow. We put our faith in tomorrows...& not in right nows. 

The past few months have been extremely humbling. God has bent me, twisted me, molded me, etc in ways that I never though possible. But all the while, God had me right, exactly, perfectly, where I needed to be. I'm part of HIS story... And guess what, so are you! 

& just because we may have a small part to play in the whole thing doesn't mean it's insignificant! There are people all around you that need aid. That need a smile. That need laughter. They need hope, a hope that Jesus can give them, through you! God uses the sinful of the world, the weak, the poor, the humble, the fatherless... to demonstrate His greatest strengths. He cares about us all. We all matter immensely to Him. We just can't become so consumed in our own small, (incredibly microscopic split second blip) of a story, that we miss opportunities. That we lose sight of His starring role. 

He is the Hero.

He is the King.

He is the Knight in Shining Armor.

The Beloved Rescuer.

It's all about Him. 

I am grateful, once again, that I am not the maker of my own destiny. For if I were, I fear for just how simple the pages of my life would truly appear... 

*"Stories of people who died after living Godly lives are stories with happy endings."

All of the Praise, unto Your Name,

be lifted, higher...

All of the Praise, unto Your Name, forever.... 

*Excerpt from Crazy Love, written by Francis Chan

Always

These are the scars deep in your heart
This is the place you were born
This is the hole where most of your soul comes ripping out
From the places you've been torn...

Today I felt as though I could feel the weightiness of those around me. There is something undeniable, tucked within the haziness of these summer days. I feel as though instead of hope rising, the only thing that is, is the heat. I feel tension and brokenness. I feel fatigue and uncertainty. I feel as though some of the strongest spirits are being quenched in this stifling season & the flux in the weather demonstrates the weathering within our own hearts. At least that's what I've perceived around me.

Don't get me wrong. There is undeniable joy. There is laughter. There are late night conversations of all that God is and what we are not. There are books filled with words of life and inspiration. There are plans. Exciting trips. There is adventure. There is hope.

Tonight, However, I wanted to speak to the hearts of those who are hurting. To those who see the future as a large undertaking. Who feel a little aimless. Who aren't impressed with themselves. Or are maybe too impressed with themselves. To those who are tired. To those who are putting the pieces of their lives back together...

You, sweet friend and cherished. Adored. Created for a purpose. There is so much more to you than your circumstances. Things are going to change. Life will keep moving. You just have to decide to move with it.

Can God be enough for us tonight? Can we simply stop and realize that He is greater than our greatest adversity? To not let the words of that humble truth just simply wash over us, but to drink them in, and be ignited in our bones. Can we stop peering into the lives of those around us, believing misconstrued perceptions and instead, start catching glimpses of Heaven, perhaps even scratching the surface of our Great Creator. He has surrounded us with reminders of Himself. He is endlessly reaching out to us. Relentlessly pursuing our affections. He can heal Your heart. He can set you free. He can make you new. He can redirect your steps.

I sat in wonder the other night of just how big God really is... & stood utterly baffled by just how small I really am.

I just want to be in thanksgiving tonight.
I want to revel in the incredible mystery of the Lord.
And rest in the truth that He sought us out tonight, each, individually.

Hallelujah, I'm caving in

                     Hallelujah, I'm in love again
                  Hallelujah, I'm a wretched man
            Hallelujah, every breath is a second chance


I am grateful for my beating heart.
I am ready for all that He has before me.
Let everything else fall away from you tonight.

Place your hand over your chest. Breathe deep. & live. 

And I am always yours