Exit Wounds

I've been kicked right down
I've been spat in the face
I've been pulled, weighed down
To the lowest place
I've been lied to, shamed
I have been disgraced
Been ex-communicated from every "holy" place...

I haven't really written in some time. Not due to the lack of interest... even the sake of time... but for the most, I think I've been afraid to be too honest... to say things that could potentially be harmful... things I may regret at a later time... 

When I think of the best word to sum up the past 2 months... it's been this:

bru·tal

   [broot-l]

adjective

1.

savage; cruel; inhuman: a brutal attack on the village.

2.

crude; coarse: brutal language.

3.

harsh; ferocious: brutal criticism; brutal weather.

4.

taxing, demanding, or exhausting: They're having a brutal timemaking ends meet.

5.

irrational; unreasoning.

I've realized that I've been surrounded by many hands sticking out towards me ready to take.

& take. & take. & take. & take. oh, & take.

With very little to offer me in return....

Using.

Posing.

Faking.

Surface.

I've seen many shades of those words intertwined within the unfolding weeks... Endless taking. Self serving. Followed by an-exit-stage-left. Either to never be heard from again... or inescapably present yet deafeningly silent...

I've been stabbed in the back 

While they promised the earth

Tried to keep my head high

For all I am worth...

Any time a person opens their hearts up to love... they allow themselves great potential for hurt. Love in any form... in friendship or romance... kindness to a stranger... mentorship & leadership, always leaves space for potential heartache. But what's even more unusual is when you can't explain the comings and goings of those relationships... How people can pass in & through & take & leave... leaving you confused. more than ever. 

"He gives & takes away."

I dont quite know how God works... if I did I would probably have it a lot more together than I do... but what I do know is that sometimes God prunes away the dead shrubbery to make room for the growth of roses.... 

The Lord I serve is in the business of making things beautiful. even out of the mire He finds us in...

I seriously feel that I am in a pruning season of life... God is cutting out the dead branches and scratching away the rotting surfaces... In order to take the roots of my spirit deeper... to be more than what I've been made out to be... 

Let me say this as clear and concise as possible: 

Invest in those who invest in you. 

If someone doesn't have time for you in any context,  They really aren't worth any of yours. 

If someone walks out of your life. Let 'em go. If they aren't in, then let them miss out. 
Their loss. Not yours. 

The deep hurt that has been done to me in this season has left me a little cold... and even more skeptical. I've lost some trust in people. & I've become guarded.

But I will not grow weary of doing good. The call of my life is far beyond the simpleness that I will surpass. Jesus has far too much of my focus. I know He'll get me on the other side of this... 

When love leaves. you are changed. & all that remains are exit wounds.

I'm simply in the healing process. Some of that's ugly. But I know a new strange strength will emerge... & I will surely laugh in the days to come....

God is good. He is now everything to me.