I can see my breath.
Thoughts of how I will be boarding a plane in just a few short hours to head back to the only normalcy I've ever know is a little hard to believe. I feel like I've time traveled to ancient world, some how existing in modern day. I've seen so much that doesn't seem fair.
& I find myself trying to grasp how to possibly do life again when I land in Washington DC, 2012. (It's 2005 here)
Will I so easily step back into my routines and roles. Will I be entangled with things that really hold no true purpose or value.
I tried to envision myself drinking a latte in Starbucks. And the woman who spent all she had to prepare a coffee ceremony for me, a guest in her humble home, that took almost an hour to be ready....
I'm left wondering what kind of person will emerge from this experience. I really have great choice when I arrive. To truly be changed. Or to not be.
I truly believe The Lord will hold me to a greater responsibility to steward the experiences I've had. I have seen. You have not. & you can't be blamed for your ignorance. Although I fully believe it doesn't warrant excuses for not pushing deeper....
What I have found is the deeper we get... The more real life becomes... The greater the tension. & most times, greater the heartache.
It's hard to see how ugly then world can be. To stare the result of sin in the face is absolutely terrifying. & it often leaves me in doubt...
But I truly believe if we can enter into that sacred tension, the hard places... To really look into the eyes of those before us, we will see the face of Jesus there.
He resides in suffering. His speciality is healing. If you are "fine" "ok" or "good" there's not much room for him to really move within your heart.
I'm not saying walk around with a heavy heart and a hanging head. I'm saying search your heart. And start understanding what true compassion looks like. I'm saying stop being so comfortable and start stretching your wings. I'm saying stop living on the table top of your simple manageable life... And start remembering that Jesus didn't die for you to live in total ideal American bliss.
I feel like The Lord has asked me to have some perspective. And that process Of realizing its not about me at all, is still a journey for my restless spirit.
But I know I want to be forever challenged. To stay stagnant and simple is probably my greatest fear...
Jesus set my heart free yesterday. In the middle of the African plains. I blinked my eyes a few times because I couldn't believe I where He had led me to.
I reminisced with a friend last night about the person I used to be. And the person I am on my way to becoming. The things that used I occupy my time... The things I thought were important or held weight....
Jesus changed EVERYTHING In my life.
And he can change yours too.
If you are willing to enter into your greatest fears... He is waiting there, hand outstretched to meet you where you are.
If you would only let Him...
As is said... Ill be on my way back to my reality very soon. A world blessed beyond words, yet plagued with blindness, ignorance & entitlement.
I don't wish to return to conversations about Christmas gifts. Shopping needs. Unnecessary wants.
Ill remember the children who are laying on their backs in beds just hoping someone will adopt them. Ill remember the weathered flesh eaten hands of the lepror who prepared me coffee in her home. Ill remember the hearts of the ministry workers, who have given their lives to be the hands and feet of Jesus, serving the desperate needs of their countrymen. Ill remember that worship knows no language, but only beloved authenticity. Ill remember those who were blessed they had a job.
But ill remember the wholly dependence on Jesus above all of it.
Ill never forget the faces. And I can't wait to show you all of them...
All I know is I want to be different today then yesterday. And even more changed tomorrow.
Ethiopia will forever have a piece of my heart.
& Jesus is King.
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