& I felt....

I've never written a blog from the bathroom floor.... until right now...

6 weeks. 42 days. 

That's been my extent of my surrender journey thus far. 

It's funny how that feels so much longer than it's been... And at the same time, hours can creep by, leaving me craving for something far beyond the painstaking passing of moments...

Once again, The Lord's timing is perfect... I'm getting ready to step away of what has been familiar... what has been secure... or has appeared to be. Away from some of the deepest hurts I've felt in almost 23 years....

I've finally caught a glimpse... maybe even a glimmer, of the light that is my very life.
My purpose... and all that God is truly asking of me..

*" Would I chose a future I could generate & control myself?- or would I sign on for the vagaries of a God guided life?..."

Being the control freakazoid that I am... you can imagine a question posed such as this would shutter my categories ever so slightly.

" Why not put your whole life in God's hands? Why not trust Him fully? I challenge you to give Him full clearance to lead your life - every area of your life- until the point that He proves Himself to be untrustworthy... At that moment. You can bail..." 

I finally decided that I was all in... and in realizing this, I was confronted with the honest truth, that God had really already decided for me...

I personally feel that in some cases, God will allow us to have our way, despite His promptings for something more for us... He'll allow complacent Christians to stay complacent, comfortable...

But I think for those who are pressing in... who are asking for more... who want to be fully utilized... who have an eternal motivation... and there's just one, one thing in the way of God having your full attention, heart, energy...

He will jealously fight for you...
& clear the way...
remove the distraction...
alter the road mapping... 
in order for your wings to spread to their full capacity...

He's cut me loose.... & I am more than ready to soar... with His wind under my wings...

"For reasons you do not have to understand, I am calling you to serve _________... 
I am making no promises it will be easy. In fact, it will require more sacrficice than anything else I have asked you to do.....but I am asking you, now...."


con·trol   [kuhn-trohl] verb, noun
         verb (used with object)
1. to exercise restraint or direction over; dominate; command.
2. to hold in check; curb: to control one's emotions.
3. to eliminate or prevent the flourishing or spread of


sur·ren·der verb \sə-ˈren-dər
         transitive verb
1 : to yield to the power, control, or possession of another upon compulsion or demand 
2:  to give up completely or agree to forgo especially in favor of another

Control vs. Surrender...They will forever be at opposition... And this is the absolute reason as to why the past 6 weeks, 42 days have been filled with absolutely unadulterated joy soon after compainied by tremendous resounding heart ache that seems to have no resolution...and so on again...

".... At that moment... you can bail.
     - but until then, give God total control... I challenge you to push the throttle as far as you can push it. & live your life wide open to God. See where His way takes you... I have a feeling you'll never regret it." 

I'm leaving in just a few short hours for a little bit of an adventure. The west coast has this alluring appeal I think to anyone really. And San Diego & Sonoma seem like the perfect places to heal a little, don't you agree?

I haven't bought a flight home. That seems rather earth shattering to some of the dearest people in my life, but leaving this trip slightly open ended is allowing some of that surrender-mindset to be carried through out this trip. I'm going away to see what God wants me to see there. To hear what He has to say to me there. When He says come home, I think that will be a good time to buy a flight home...

Until then... I'm all eyes. I'm all ears. Fully trusting. Reckless Abandonment. & ready for my God to simply blow my mind with His goodness.

I am blessed. 

I am beloved.

& I love you.

* All excerpts from Bill Hybels The Power of A Whisper 

from my head to my heart

It's a strange thing to realize that you didn't mean as much to someone as you thought you did....

It's even a stranger thing to know that you are a stronger force alone, than with any one else...

the past few weeks have left me a little mutilated. Ergo, I feel as if I've been thrown into a blender... and now I'm trying to somehow put the pieces back together...
I am bruised, but not crushed
I have been struck down, but not destroyed...

What I know to be true is this... That despite my feeble attempts at figuring out my life... I have been brought to my knees with a swift reminder that I am not the maker of my destiny.
The pursuit of God after my heart is the only logical explanation for the events that unfolded as of late.

I've also realized that I have invested too much into people... I have given too much away... And I have not received true investment it return...

Am I too trusting? 

Am I an idiot? 

Perhaps. 

Or perhaps the time intended for someone or something to intersect your life has run it's course... and new seasons, new lives, and new journeys are ahead of me...

I do not know the answers. I am not sure that I ever will.
What I am sure of, even certain, is that the moment I let myself believe I am comfortable... The Lord has this jarring way of captivating my full attention...

The one who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked. Luke 12:48

I have known for some time that much would be asked of me... Maybe I was even scared of it. How amusing that we will chose to settle for something that seems safer or, simpler... more manageable because of our fears of what would be required of us. 

When am I going to realize that I'm not living my life for myself? lol. The foundation, and core of my beliefs... and yet, so easily I become entangled into the lies that this life, my life, is about me.

I wonder how many more times I will forget. how many more times God will gently draw my back to himself.. Or, in this case... NOT so gently... 

I think the reason it hurt so much this time is because "it" was the only thing separating me from what I was called to do. This feeling, emotion, situation, was the only thing that could actually, stop me? from fulfilling my purpose..

He knew that. He's so rich in jealously for my heart, for my gifts, for my purpose... that allowing me to slip by Him simply wasn't an option...

"your pursuit of Me, is actually a response to My ardent pursuit of you..." -Jesus Calling 

There is much that I do not understand. 
There is even more that I do not want to understand...
I'm still not sure where to move from here.... But I know I must move... 

We shall draw nearer to God, not by trying to avoid the sufferings inherent in all loves, but by accepting them & offering them to Him. - C. S. Lewis

I've never been one for the "embrace of suffering..." I've heard of that concept... but never one that I assumed I would willingly enter into...
The time is now. I know that God has something to say to me through this... I believe that... 
I don't doubt His goodness... not even for a moment....

I also know that the longer I ask the "whys" or the "why nots" the more that I will miss what is right in front of me... I may even miss what is just ahead of me...

In three short weeks, I will be traveling out to lovely San Diego... for some much needed rest, time with dear friends & even more, self discovery.

For once in my life, I'm going to invest a little in myself. As I stated, it's been so long, since I've done that... In fact, I'm not quite sure if I ever really have....

Although there is only an 18 inch distance between my head and my heart.... the journey from one from the other is far greater length than I anticipated.... 

I'm excited. He is making all things beautiful, in it's time. He is making, all things, new.

"The one who looked like a Man touched me... & I felt my strength returning.... " Daniel 10:18

Not Enough.

There are 24 hours in day.
There are 14 days in two weeks.

The past 336 hours have lead me here. This very well could be the most crucial blog I've ever written. In fact, I believe I have arrived on the crux, the pinnacle turning point of my life...

& here it is. I hope I have your full, undivided attention...

Despite my inherent capabilities of finding the correct words to match my emotions... I am truly stumped regarding how to best verbalize the roller coastering heart flux I have experienced in 336 hours.

(literally)

I feel ________________ (insert negative emotion)
I feel ____________________ (unbelievable positive affirmation) .... maybe 5 seconds later...

All of this has resulted from loss, a great loss. Probably one of the dearest losses my life has known.
Something is missing now.
& I am not quite sure how to exactly move onward from here. from this point right here.

The loss is comprised of the following:
a feeling, a person, a friendship, a future, a potential, a joy, a hardship, an investment,
a relief, an expectation, a let down, a fear, a hopefulness, an irreplaceable laughter, a permanence, a memory.

“Know that everything is in perfect order whether you understand it or not.” 

― Valery Satterwhite

I have heard so many times that the hardest thing to do is to willingly give up the life we had planned so we can have the life in store for us. 

We are afraid.

We want comfortable.

We settle.

What I have realized in 336 hours is that all that has led me to this moment in time is simply not enough. I know what you are thinking too... "Is that girl nutz? She has been given so much... how could she even say such a thing.....not enough... who does she think she is?"

to those who don't know me. to those who may not even care for me. for those who don't understand me. Here it is plain & simple.

I will not be afraid. I will not be comfortable. 

I will not settle. 

I now know that willingly giving up that life, Realizing that you deserve more, that you were made for more... even if what your leaving behind isn't wrong or bad... is hard! You just know it would be less than what God has for you... & truly doing that, is the full culmination of Matthew 16:24-26:

"Then Jesus said to his disciples ( that is me, and any one who bears the name of Christ...) If ANY OF YOU wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross, and follow Me. If you try to hang on to your life, ( YOUR wants, YOUR desires, YOUR comforts) *don't miss this...* .... You WILL lose it. But if you give up your life (wants, desires, comforts) for My sake... you will find it...."

you will find, life. & the life God intended for you... 

This past week I was reminded that I was made to lead. That I was meant, created, knit together and born to lead people, to Jesus. to impact lives. to restore love & hope in a broken world. To be a light in dark places, to have courage where there is none, to inspire people. to compel people to action. To use my gifts to do good. To literally be the change that I wish to see. 

Until my last day alive, I will fight for this... 

I know its hard... I'm literally going through this right now... You are not alone. I promise we can do this together, you & me. 

I firmly believe with my whole heart that the Lord has something extraordinary for us waiting... for me waiting... for you waiting... if we can wrap our heads around it & entrust our hearts to His calling.

It is not a calling made by force. 

It is not one laden with obnoxious haste.

It is simply comprised of gentle, relentless pursuit. Abundant love. Endless grace. 

He wants us to know the best life He can give us... why would we possibly settle... when something far greater than we can fathom is awaiting us. 

I don't know what you will do.

I don't know what choice you'll make. 

All I know is I hope that you will chose to not settle. That you would dig deep within yourself...and somehow find the strength within your bones.

(my best friend, always, always reminds me of this when I am struggling, hence why she is my best)

We don't serve a God who is comfortable. A God who knows fear. A God who is simple.

I am terrified of God. I am absolutely, positively fearful of Him... as I should be. He's God.....

& Yet,

I made a commitment to the Lord yesterday. It was to pray this prayer for my life every day for the next 30 days, in expectant hope that He would show up in my life & do things that I could never have done on my own. I wanted to share it with you, and ask you to hold me accountable that I am truly expectant of what God will do in my life. As He has promised.

No more waiting. 

I am entering into my weakness tonight... within our limited human capacity, lies true, uninhibited, supernatural, God-breathed strength...

I hope you will join me.

My prayer is that you would not let 336 hours pass, before you do.

*....He's calling, wake up child

it's your time to shine

You were born... for such a time as this....

I'm going to change the world. 

*Jake Hamilton, The Anthem 

All Things New

*Peace be still

You are near

There's nowhere we can go

That You wont shine redemption's light...

Ever wake up and assume that your day will just run smoothly? Or that the expectations that you had about the day were completely shattered by a carpet pulled from under you? Or despite how many times you had rehearsed what your heart felt, communicating it didn't quite go as planned?

Sigh. That was my yesterday.

Still a little rattled, and not quite sure of certainty, I am left shaky.

When something is taken from you, perhaps you were holding on a little too tightly.

I’ve learned some things this weekend:

Nothing, absolutely nothing, is perfect, if it’s real. If it’s bleeding authenticity, it is not perfect. It is flawed. It has struggle. It is broken. And it’s in pursuit of something far greater than itself. It is in pursuit of perfect strength. And that lies only beyond the outer limits of this universe.

I’ve also learned that God’s timing is perfect. When we challenge that… when we start to believe we might have a better schedule… or a better frame in which things should happen for ourselves, The Lord will get our attention. Our entire focus.

Furthermore. Our God is fiercely jealous for our hearts. Especially if our lives are on the brink of fully investing into His Kingdom. And the only thing standing in the way, is a small, insignificant hindrance.

...as You rise, we come alive...

I find that events such as this would occur within this time frame...

I am not surprised.

A year ago this day, I journeyed straight into the heart of my greatest fear. I stepped out of what felt comfortable and safe… clung to the Lord. And went to Haiti.

A year ago, today.

Within this year… the Lord has stretched, taught, revealed, instructed, & blessed me in ways I never thought possible. All for my good. My benefit…

Here I am today, the same day, standing with my head towards the sky, palms up, with nothing more to hold onto, but my silly uncertainty. I am once again staring my greatest fear straight in the face. And I know that the adventure of my life lies right on the other side of it…. Just as it did before.

Your love never ending

Your grace never failing

Redemption is calling us home....

Despite a really hard day yesterday, within a really hard moment, 

I heard from the Lord.

Now I have never heard an audible voice from God. I am not sure if I ever will. But there were words spoken within my spirit… that I heard, understood, and believed.

I heard, understood, and believed 

“It’s going to be okay.”’

His relentless pursuit of my heart is enough for me. It may not have been enough at one point. And my simpleness demanded more…. Hoped for more. My insecurities longed for something more tangible… something my senses could feel. Something I could get my arms around…

The journey of my life is something that will never be able to be boxed, contained, managed. No human arms can get around the piece I play in this great adventure. 

For the story of my faith, 

& my life, 

& my purpose, for the Lord… will far surpass time & flesh.

I don't quite now what to make of all of this... I suppose I will be taking it day by day. Maybe moment by moment. What I do know, is that all that is ahead is far better than what lies behind me.

And I'm ready. More than ever.

"Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path, & leave a trail"- Ralph Waldo Emerson 

You are making all things new

You are making all things new

You are making all things new

& we are free....

*All Things New, Elevation Worship 

it's not the Lindsey show

We call out Your Name in the darkness
And watch as Your glory unfolds
For there is no measure, or end
To the power You hold...

Hi friend, it's been awhile, eh?

As usual, I am:

active

assiduous

occupied

laboring

hustling

bustling

and plain and simple, busy. 

(I often times wonder just how in universe I will be able to juggle my life once I'm married with children.... there just AREN'T enough hours!!!!)

With that being said, I have had very little time to think, let alone breath, and most definitely, to write. But today was a day that was a little different. And it sort of was the summation of a three month thought process.

By now you are quite familiar with my pride issue. my control issue. my timing issue. & my fear -of-the-unknown issue. I have written countless entries, based upon these reoccurring themes in my life. But it was today, the 24th of July... of 2012... it all kind of meshed together.

All of this time, I have been very discontent in the place God has sent me. Although I am blessed with a loving family, amazing friends, a life giving church community, and a million more blessings, I still have felt unbelievably restless within the confines of where God has allowed these things to unfold. I've been waiting for "bigger" & "better." I've been anticipating something new, something wild, anything...

Francis Chan, (brilliant) author of the book, Crazy Love, that I am currently working through (every chapter literally blows my mind out of my skull, so it's taking me a little while) words it far better than I could ever...

*He writes how our lives are like being extras in a movie... say we were to invite tons of friends, even host a grand showing for a movie that we are playing an extra in... We may get about 2/5s? of a second on screen? maybe? "Look, see there I am!!! That's the back of my head in that large crowd!!"  

"Wait, Where?"

& that's it. Our scene ends. Our life ends. And it's over. 

He continues on to say that the entire film, starring & directed by, is about Jesus. Every one's coming out to watch Him. To find Him. To learn about Him. 

How foolish would it be for us to invite friends to actually watch the back of our heads for 2 moments!! And that is an abstract visual of what our time looks like on earth... 

"Men are never duly touched and impressed with a conviction of their insignificance, until they have contrasted themselves with the majesty of God." R.C. Sproul 

...It finally hit me this morning when I received a text message from a co worker who I had been investing some of my heart into. Going through a rather rough time, they wrote:

"You have left a lasting impression on my heart. Because of knowing you, I have decided to pursue abstinence and sobriety." 

....All of this time... the last place in the UNIVERSE I wanted to be was where I currently work. I had been feeling this was NOT the place the Lord had wanted me to go... this wasn't anointed. This was certainly not what I went to school for and I was CERTAINLY NOT having any FUN. (ew, I'm over myself) 

& then, just this morning, waking up to that message, It all made sense. It clicked. 

I was simply meant to get the job where I currently work... to meet this person.... to show them God's love...so that they might have hope in Him...So that they might truly, live.

It's not the Lindsey show..... 

& it's certainly not your show either....

*"In about 50 years, (give or take a couple decades) no one will remember you. Everyone you know will be dead. Certainly no one will care what job you had, what car you drove, what school you attended, what clothes you wore." - the only thing that will matter is what we did with our 2/5s of a second.... the only one who will know, is God.

These moments that we have are really are just moments. Tomorrow isn't promised... even though that simple truth leaves us as quickly as it comes. We don't live in such a way because, we actually don't believe it. We believe in tomorrow. We put our faith in tomorrows...& not in right nows. 

The past few months have been extremely humbling. God has bent me, twisted me, molded me, etc in ways that I never though possible. But all the while, God had me right, exactly, perfectly, where I needed to be. I'm part of HIS story... And guess what, so are you! 

& just because we may have a small part to play in the whole thing doesn't mean it's insignificant! There are people all around you that need aid. That need a smile. That need laughter. They need hope, a hope that Jesus can give them, through you! God uses the sinful of the world, the weak, the poor, the humble, the fatherless... to demonstrate His greatest strengths. He cares about us all. We all matter immensely to Him. We just can't become so consumed in our own small, (incredibly microscopic split second blip) of a story, that we miss opportunities. That we lose sight of His starring role. 

He is the Hero.

He is the King.

He is the Knight in Shining Armor.

The Beloved Rescuer.

It's all about Him. 

I am grateful, once again, that I am not the maker of my own destiny. For if I were, I fear for just how simple the pages of my life would truly appear... 

*"Stories of people who died after living Godly lives are stories with happy endings."

All of the Praise, unto Your Name,

be lifted, higher...

All of the Praise, unto Your Name, forever.... 

*Excerpt from Crazy Love, written by Francis Chan

Always

These are the scars deep in your heart
This is the place you were born
This is the hole where most of your soul comes ripping out
From the places you've been torn...

Today I felt as though I could feel the weightiness of those around me. There is something undeniable, tucked within the haziness of these summer days. I feel as though instead of hope rising, the only thing that is, is the heat. I feel tension and brokenness. I feel fatigue and uncertainty. I feel as though some of the strongest spirits are being quenched in this stifling season & the flux in the weather demonstrates the weathering within our own hearts. At least that's what I've perceived around me.

Don't get me wrong. There is undeniable joy. There is laughter. There are late night conversations of all that God is and what we are not. There are books filled with words of life and inspiration. There are plans. Exciting trips. There is adventure. There is hope.

Tonight, However, I wanted to speak to the hearts of those who are hurting. To those who see the future as a large undertaking. Who feel a little aimless. Who aren't impressed with themselves. Or are maybe too impressed with themselves. To those who are tired. To those who are putting the pieces of their lives back together...

You, sweet friend and cherished. Adored. Created for a purpose. There is so much more to you than your circumstances. Things are going to change. Life will keep moving. You just have to decide to move with it.

Can God be enough for us tonight? Can we simply stop and realize that He is greater than our greatest adversity? To not let the words of that humble truth just simply wash over us, but to drink them in, and be ignited in our bones. Can we stop peering into the lives of those around us, believing misconstrued perceptions and instead, start catching glimpses of Heaven, perhaps even scratching the surface of our Great Creator. He has surrounded us with reminders of Himself. He is endlessly reaching out to us. Relentlessly pursuing our affections. He can heal Your heart. He can set you free. He can make you new. He can redirect your steps.

I sat in wonder the other night of just how big God really is... & stood utterly baffled by just how small I really am.

I just want to be in thanksgiving tonight.
I want to revel in the incredible mystery of the Lord.
And rest in the truth that He sought us out tonight, each, individually.

Hallelujah, I'm caving in

                     Hallelujah, I'm in love again
                  Hallelujah, I'm a wretched man
            Hallelujah, every breath is a second chance


I am grateful for my beating heart.
I am ready for all that He has before me.
Let everything else fall away from you tonight.

Place your hand over your chest. Breathe deep. & live. 

And I am always yours

I'm going back to the start

*Come up to meet You 
Tell You I'm sorry,
You don't know how lovely You are
I had to find You
Tell You I need You....
Tell You I set You apart....


For the majority of times, people take vacations for leisure. A break from their day to day. A chance to spend more quality time with those closest to them. A vacation, or a retreat provides a needed space in order best receive clarity and restoration. Vacation, however,  doesn't necessarily have to involve traveling to a far distant land and staying in a really expensive hotel, eating tons of food, sight seeing, and tons of cash flowing. A vacation exists when we provide ourselves enough space from the norm to really hear from God in attempt to allow a more collected and restored individual to return. For me, that space was about 6 hours away, on an simple beach, at 5 in 
the morning. 

Two essential components to my personality:
1. I hate reading.
2. I love planning.


On this trip, God allowed me to love reading & hate planning.


*"We need to stop plotting the course & instead just land the plane on our plans to make a difference by getting to the "do" part of faith- That's because love is never stationary. In the end, love doesn't just keep thinking about it or keep planning for it. Simply put: Love Does."


I had never heard of Bob Goff before I cracked open my copy of Love Does, but after 4 days of reading and being about 25 chapters in, (5 more to go!) I feel like I have gotten to know Bob fairly well. In just our very short interactions, (Bob doing most of the talking, me doing most of the crying, laughing & jaw dropping, knee slapping, hand raising... etc... ) I have been more challenged than I think I have through out this entire year. 


Bob has painted a clear and overt picture for me to grasp... that God isn't waiting around taping His foot for me to figure out what He has supposedly asked of me... & He certainly isn't withholding Himself from me either... In fact... my perceived distance of God is rather laughable... as I've discovered on this trip that He is closer to me than ever.... That His relentless pursuit is actually real and tangible... and all He has ever asked of me is to believe that He is who He says He is.... everything else has just been added burdens that I've placed on myself....


"Maybe there are times when we think door has been closed & instead of misinterpreting the circumstances, God wants us to kick it down. Or perhaps just sit outside of it long enough until somebody tells us we can come in..."


I'm not going to lie to you. This year has definitely not been what I planned for it to be. I assumed by rapidly approaching 23 I would have discovered the cure for cancer or something of grander... Ok so not that big, but I did assume that like many young adults my age I would have discovered "what I wanted to do with my life" by now. If nothing else I have grown weary and jaded by the immense pressures of our society and how everything in this county is based on what is deemed "successful." Even the most Christlike people can have this manipulated perspective based on how our culture functions. Colleges, Education, Careers, etc seem to  be what is defined as success. The American Dream is to work really really hard, come from nothing and make yourself something 
important.


I know someone who torched their American dream and literally sacrificed everything to follow the call of God on her life. Her name is Katie Davis. She literally fell in love with the people of Uganda, said goodbye to dreams of college, her plans to marry her boyfriend, her church, her friends, her family, her comforts... to travel to one of the poorest countries in the world where she would become the mother of 15 orphans who lost their parents from AIDS. I know that God does not call each of us to a life like Katie's..... but man, do I envy a faith like Katie's.



Tell me Your secrets
And ask me Your questions
Oh let's go back to the start
Running in circles; coming up tails
Heads on a silence apart...

I've spent an entire year staying stationary because I was too afraid I'd miss something. Instead of doing something I did nothing because that seemed to be safer. I would simply wait, I thought til God made it apparent where He wanted me to go.... or do or.... But the truth is, He was there the entire time providing me the free choice of what I wanted to do. He isn't asking me to have all the answers, to have everything be lined up perfectly, He is simply asking me to be engaged & present. He is asking me to "Be" & to "Do." 

"He is asking us, "Will you take what you think defines you, leave it behind & let Me define who you are instead?" He asks if we'll give up that thing we're so proud of, that thing we believe causes us to matter in the eyes of the world, & give it up to follow Him. He wants us to bring all of the faith we have to Him, even if it's just a dime's worth.... He Himself is what we have the chance to trade for...& What we'll have in exchange for knowing Him is everything we've accumulated during our lives and are standing on the porch holding on to...."


Yes. at 22 years old, I've had an identity crisis.... but sadly, its been a crisis in everything that doesn't even matter. 
I've demanded big things of God, but couldn't trust Him in the smallest ways. I wanted answers but couldn't shut my mouth from complaining long enough to hear a thing. I ran to everyone and anything that could give me some insight into the only One who had every thing waiting for me. Perhaps I am an idiot. Or maybe just a human. Even now I can feel His grace flooding over me as I am moved to tears while smiling....

I was just guessing at numbers and figures
Pulling your puzzles apart
Questions of science; science and progress
Do not speak as loud as my heart....


What I have discovered on this very short vacation is that I needed a vacation from myself. I had become so focused on what I was going to do, how things were going to be provided, what securities I would need, that I was blinded. I simply was missing the entire point. Even now as I've been seeking God for the past two years, I was still entangled in the bondage of trying to be the savior of my own universe. For the first time, in a long time, I've been silenced. & I think I will be quiet a while longer... 

"Jesus is asking me and the rest of the world to stop faking it. He wants us to fight the temptation to merely have the right wrapper and instead be exactly who He made us to be & who we are, right where we are..."


I'm going back to the start of my faith.
I'm going to plan nothing & believe in everything.
I'm going to read more & speak less.
I'm going to start trying to find out who God is & not who I'm supposed to be.
I'm going to start being & doing.
I'm going to back to the start & let God lead me to the end. 

...NO BODY SAID IT WAS EASY...

"For those who resonate with formulas, here it is: add your whole life, your loves, your passions and your interests together with what God said He wants us to be about and that's your answer...." 

What I've also discovered on this trip is that God is closer to me than ever... That He has placed signs and signals all over this world to catch my attention... I just haven't been looking... 

at 5 am, I got up to photograph the sunrise... My photos can't really capture the beauty of those moments... But I figured I would share with you the beauty that was painted for me that sacred morning. The morning when I knew that everything was going to be alright... That I didn't have to make any plans because there already was a plan... All I needed to do was just to stop, take in what was around me, before me, breathe deep & believe.... 

...Hear the sounds of meager praise, 

through the squalls & breaking waves... 

I really want to tell Bob Goff thank you for the encouragement He provided me this week. Good thing He included his phone number in the back to call Him" if I wanted to process any of what He wrote about"... I plan on calling him. I need to make sure that I remember to do that when I write my book someday... 

"His name for us is Beloved. He hopes that we'll believe Him. He hopes we'll start to see ourselves as His Beloved, rather than think of all the reasons we aren't...."

*Lyrics from The Scientist by Coldyplay

*Quotes from Love Does by Bob Goff