The Song of All Songs...

It is obvious and simple that Jesus is Jealous for our hearts to be solely His....
If only I could grasp the depths of the love.... the unfailing Love... then perhaps I would not betray Him so frequently as if a wife would betray her husband....

"She said, I will go after my lovers who give me my food and my water,
my wool and my linen,
my oil and my drink.
She will chase after her lovers, but not catch them,
She will look for them, but not find them,
Then,
She will say, "I will go back to my Husband as at first.
for then I was better off, then now...
I will punish her for the days she decked herself with rings & jewelry
and went after lovers, but Me, she forgot....
So,
now I will expose her lewdness, before the eyes of her lovers;
No one will take her out of My hands...." Hosea 2

I am that woman. That, is me. I think that is us all...

If there was ever a song, that could convince me of the depths of His love... if there was ever a song of all songs... This... is it:

Dance With Me. Jesus Culture.

"Behold You have come 

over the hills upon the mountain 

To me, You will run. 

My Beloved, You've captured my heart 

Won't You dance with me, Oh 

Lover of my soul, 

to the song of all songs? 

With You, I will go 

You are my Love You are my Fair One 

The winter has passed 

and the springtime has come 

Won't You dance with me, Oh 

Lover of my soul, 

to the song of all songs? 

Romance me, Oh 

Lover of my soul 

to the Song of all Songs"

with everything I've got...

Lately I have been addressing some areas in my personal life regarding views on my relationship, and the will for my future. I guess we all are in some way, but this has been heavy on my heart and decided to share.

After asking God for some kind of phrase or quote to meditate on for the week, He gave me this:

"You have given everything for me. I owe You nothing less than my life."

so. I've been praying, meditating...thinking about exactly what that meant.

Today I had coffee with a friend. We processed where we had been this time last year. Much to our disillusion we were stunned by just how truly lost we were....

We discussed feeling shameful about others finding out of where we had been, mistakes we had made, places in which we still find ourselves struggling... especially those within the church community. Believe it or not... sometimes finding grace amongst other Christians isn't always as given as it should be...

I have discovered, at least in my life, that without Jesus... I am a very ugly person. I saw just how I could become... and never imagined that I was capable of such offenses...
It demonstrates the true transforming power that Jesus possesses. & therefore without Him... we reflect the innate sinful nature that is within us...

Today I listened to "You Bring" by Hillsong United. The lines were a resounding melody of the truth Jesus had revealed to me earlier in the week:

"And You opened the door for me
And you laid down
Your life to set me free
All that I am will serve You Lord"

....You have given everything.... for me... 
...I owe you nothing less than my life....


I feel like up until this point, I've been picking and choosing. Taking what works for me, implementing that... and then disregarding what doesn't... or setting it off... making an excuse... "getting to that later..."

Luke 9:23 Then he said to them all: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me."

Last time I checked. He gave us 1choice... to follow him... or to not.
If we chose to follow Him... its all or nothing. That is the only option.

What I have discovered is the closer we grow to Jesus, the less difficult it becomes to "pick & chose," for our hearts align more closely to Jesus. Creating Union. In thought, word & deed.
All Scripture is God-breathed 
and is useful for teaching, rebuking, 
correcting and training in righteousness, 
so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped 
for every good work... 2nd Tim 3:16-17

If only we chose to be obedient....


...You have given everything for me. I owe You nothing less than my life....


I heard once that the true beauty of our faith, is that God would allow the ones He loves to become so ugly in wickedness, because He knew how truly beautiful we could be by His grace...

You were near, though I was distant 

disillusioned, I was lost and insecure 

still mercy fought, for my attention 

You were waiting at the door, then I let You in....

This isn't a game. This isn't an attitude. This is not a life style. 

This is an Encounter with the Creator of the Universe.
This is a transformation by the Savior of the World.
A savior who gave everything for you & me.
We owe Him nothing less, than our lives... entirely.... <3

with everything I've got... my heart will sing, how I love You....

Mobile

Change. Change. Change. Change. Change. Change. Change.

"Everything will change"

"Be the Change"

"Don't ever Change"

"I'm scared of Change"

"Change is a good thing"

Change. -
to make the form, nature, content, future course, etc., of (something) different from what it is or from  what it would be if left alone.

Essentially major changes are afoot.
& no person, or schooling, or prior experience can ever prepare you enough for it...

"In whose eyes a vile person is despised,
But he honors those who fear the LORD;
He who swears to his own hurt and does not change;"
Psalm 15:4


"They will perish, but You will endure;
Yes, they will all grow old like a garment;
Like a cloak You will change them, And they will be changed."
Psalm 102:26


"And if they have a change of heart in the land where they are held captive,
and repent and plead with you in the land of their conquerors and say,
'We have sinned, we have done wrong, we have acted wickedly'"
1 Kings 8:47


"If you really change your ways and your actions and deal with each other justly,  if you do not oppress the alien, the fatherless or the widow
and do not shed innocent blood in this place,
and if you do not follow other gods to your own harm,  
then I will let you live in this place,
in the land I gave your forefathers for ever and ever"
Jeremiah 7:5-7 


"Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let
God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think.
Then you will learn to know
God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect."
Romans 12:2 


"And he said: "I tell you the truth, unless you change
and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven."
Matthew 18:3 

Change is biblical
Change is imminent.

How do we adapt to the potential new life course or direction or situation presented before us without running the risk of losing ourselves within it? Running risk of disregarding prior experiences and potentially surpassing and forgetting old memories that are so essential to the person that we are today....?

Perhaps we are meant to.

Perhaps,
change occurs for a sole purpose. to further direct those closer to the finite and perfectly designed plan, molded by the hands of God... for you.

Within that change, comes uncertainty, fear of failure, awkwardness, resentment, discouragement.
All emotions that result in a longing for Jesus to secure. All emotions in which Jesus is fully able to secure. I am certain change must occur to provide a new focus for all of those who are seeking out not their own path, but the path in which God has ordained for them. Perhaps change isn't really a change at all... but more of a path to discovery in ways in which we never thought possible...

All I know is that I am about to Encounter some major changes in my life. I am really scared. Scared of what God may ask me to let go of. Scared of where He we call me. Scared of what I may lose or sacrifice alone the way. It is terrifying, yet so exciting at the exact same time. All I know now is that I have to try my best to trust. trust. & trust. oh and some patience. & trust.

yeah...

Everything's changing,
everywhere I go, all out of my control
Everything's changing
everywhere I go, all out of what I know...
I'm a Mobile... 

a time for every season under Heaven

Its. Over.


Seriously...?

no more studying. no more tests. no more papers. no more exhaustion. no more all nighters. no more nasty art teachers. no more my way or the high way. no more readings. no more apathy. no more college.

The four year chapter of my life that I feared would never end has finally come to a close. I know there are so many others who are in the same boat. I think the two most prominent emotions/cognitions that are in circulation are relief and uncertainty. Agreed?

There is this overwhelming sense of accomplishment, and resolution in knowing that this time of strenuous mental exertion plus the particularly large chunk of time that school takes out of life has now been freed up for new and exciting opportunities!

....& those opportunities are......? There's the uncertainty.

I must admit, opting out of graduate school and potentially having no job was risky. and not really ideal by societal standards. Fortunately, God has overwhelmed me with 2 amazing job opps in which I will be able to only further my photographic portfolio. I am thrilled to start working as well as continue my own creative endeavors with photography. Although I have only planned for this year, I am eagerly awaiting to see what else God may have in store for me. & I am certain He has a plan for you. Which He will reveal in His right & perfect time...

4 years. I can honestly say that some of my hardest nights were the nights have been throughout this course of time in my life. When I graduated high school this time, four years ago... I had no idea what I was about to walk into. I had no idea how drastically my life would turn, how many wrong choices I would make. These four years has served as a time of great trial and has resulted in nothing less than a season of self discovery. Although I wanted to quit (especially in the last few weeks- major-) I had to accept that this was a stage in life that I had to transcend. That God had called me to this time. this place. this moment. for a purpose. And looking back on it all now, there is much I don't think I will ever understand as to why I had to experience such circumstances or why I didn't figure it out sooner. But the point of it all has been the only way to gain such perspective, was to endure.

I can honestly say that the one thing I will have now that I didn't graduating high school, was the strength I have gained through knowing Jesus. I am not sure what your great discovery has been/will be about yourself after completing a dedicated task for a certain number of years, but I know that I am not walking across that stage alone in one week. That I am not on my own in one week. That in one week, my life's course is not determined by faith in myself. But Jesus Christ's faith in me. Knowing that my course has already been charted for me has alleviated more burden then I could have ever imagined. Faith will be eyes & Hope will be my guide.

One week I set sail for a new time and place, a new season of my life, a new beginning... under Him Heaven.

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven: Ecclesiastes 3:1

Mommy, Dearest...

selfless: having little or no concern for oneself

steadfast: firm in purpose, resolution, and faith

gentle: polite, kindly, slow to anger

whole hearted: fully and completely sincere

These words came instantly to mind when thinking about how to best describe my mom. But it's quite a challenge to try and sum of the greatness of a person such my mother, Dana. At first glance, she is strikingly lovely. A woman who is aging gracefully and still radiates with a youthful smile. She'll talk to you and appear slightly shy and at times will simply say nothing, yet everything at the same time. Beyond a first encounter, she is a lady who wakes up every day, and puts herself last on her list. She has patience far beyond what anyone should. She exhausts herself in all aspects of life in which often times, she is completely unappreciated. She carries her burdens and never asks for anyone to help her or to listen to her. She never complains. She is stronger than anyone that I have ever known. She has deserved the world and more.... and in so many ways has not received it. 

No other person will ever teach me such grace, such patience, such love and kindness, than her. She has taught me what it truly means to put others before yourself, to work hard, even when you don't want to. She shows love and mercy to all things, even the smallest of God's creations. 

No other person has ever done or will ever do what she has done for me. She has been the sole earthly source of my success. The motivation behind my procrastination, the comforter to my endless tears, the only prayer  on my darkest night. You never gave up on me. & you rose to an occasion to compensate for another's great failure. 

Hero: a person of distinguished courage or ability, admired for his/her brave deeds and noble qualities.

a person who, in the opinion of others, has heroic qualities or has performed a heroic act and is regarded as a model or ideal

Happy Mother's Day to all mothers who are heroes. & to mine... the most beautiful, Dana<3

She is clothed with strength and dignity. 

She can laugh at the days to come. 

She speaks with wisdom, 

& faithful instruction is on her tongue. 

She watches over the affairs of her household 

 & does not eat the bread of idleness. 

Her children arise

 & call her blessed. Psalm 31:25-28

If I could go back...

If I could go backwards.... make changes... do something over.... I would have:

-never gone to McDaniel College
-appreciated the easy course load of high school
-spent more time playing with my dog Winny
-been more patient with my grandma aging
-spoken softer, and with articulation, and meaning
-not worked at the Greene Turtle...
-made more time for me
-not been so mean to him
-not mooched off people's plates... *laughs*
-not given the deepest parts of myself to people who didn't deserve them
-chose better, more meaningful friendships
-spent time telling myself I was beautiful
-not been so harsh on my body
-had higher standards
-moved slower
-been more respectful to my mother
-donated more money instead of buying another "must have"
-not gotten in the car that day of my accident
-not wasted 2 years of my life being absolutely miserable
-still not drank alcohol... :)
-saved myself for my husband
-prayed more for others
-been less self centered
-spent more time with dear friends instead of guys
-done more acts of service
-spent more time at church
-spent more time seeking Jesus
-spent more time loving Jesus
-spent more time serving Jesus
-spent more time with Jesus
-believed in myself...

If I could go back, there is a lot I would change. But I can't. I can only press onward.... <3